The Hundred and Ten Pound Novel - Chapter V

Annie was resting her head when the buzzer shrilled her out of a lovely slumber.

“What does she want from me now?” she said to the parrot.

“Walk the dog! Baaarg!” said the parrot. “Walk the dog!”

“Oh, don’t you start, Rover!” said Annie. “Or I’ll put you down stairs with the Russians.”

Annie pushed the intercom button and asked Madame Tourdo to let her sleep a little longer.

“No time for sleep, my dear Lady Lavender,” said Madame Tourdo. “I have a job for you.”

“Please stop calling me that.” said Annie. “My name is Annie Jones. And Annie needs some sleep.”

“While you’re under my employ you are Lady Lavender, dog walker and groomer,” said Madame Tourdo. “And if you want some rest you need to stop boozing with the Russians. They’re a bad influence and will give you nothing but poor health and bad Russian humor.”

“I’ll be down in a minute, Aunt Ruthie,” said Annie.

“It’s Madame Tourdo, my dear! How many times must I tell you?”

“Yes,” said Annie. “I’m sorry. Give me a few minutes to shower.”

Annie looked at herself in the bathroom mirror and saw the regrets about getting herself into all of this. Hers was about the only legitimate enterprise under Madame Tourdo’s crooked umbrella and the strain was beginning to show.

Just when her Aunt Ruthie became Madame Tourdo was not known. Ruth Keller was the strange one in the family. Her mother’s funny-in-the-head sister. The one who would share anyone‘s bed as long as they had enough weed and wine. The one everyone turned an eye to anytime a wallet or piece of jewelry went missing. The one who ran away to Woodstock in 1969 and never returned.

Annie wasn’t born when her Aunt Ruthie left home at seventeen, but she’d heard all the stories from her mother and she grew up hoping to meet her one day. She thought of her aunt as a winsome vagabond, living a carefree lifestyle with exotic adventures. Which was not the impression her mother was trying to convey.

“She caused us nothing but trouble," said her mother. “And that one birthday card a year makes up for very little."

Still, Annie looked forward to the cards and when she finished her junior year at the local college, Annie decided to take advantage of Aunt Ruthie’s offer of a summer job. Room and board included.

It was against her mother’s wishes, but Annie was twenty one and looking for a little adventure in the big city. And like a lot of young people Annie’s age, she was desperate to escape the stifling comfort of the suburbs.

Annie’s thoughts were once again interrupted by the buzzer and by Rover’s expected reply, “Walk the dog! Baaarg!” said Rover. “Walk the dog!”

“Must you say that every time the buzzer goes off!”

Annie lowered the toilet seat lid, sat down and fired up a joint. It was the only way she’d be able to get through this day.