Being Early, Headlocks, The Baldwin Brothers

James arrived home three hours earlier than planned. He found his wife naked and glistening with sweat, searching the contents of the refridgerator.

"What's going on?" he barked.

"Nothing." said his wife with a voice like a squashed mouse. A long trail of semen ran down the inside of her leg and onto the tiled floor. It could be wiped clean later. The mess was not the issue.

"Who is he?" roared James. "Is he still here?"

"Yes," she sobbed, pointing at the bedroom. "It's Daniel Baldwin."

James let out an almighty shriek of anger and despair. He ran into their bedroom, banging his chest like a gorilla.

A moment later he emerged from the bedroom holding a naked blond man in a headlock.

"This is not Daniel Baldwin." he announced. "This is Stephen Baldwin, the least succesful member of the Baldwin acting dynasty. He has tricked you. This is bordering on rape!"

"I don't think that's true." coughed Stephen Baldwin. His face was turning red.

"Of course it is! My wife entered into an affair with a man that she believed was the third most successful Baldwin brother, not the fourth. Am I right, honey? Would you have consented to sex with this man if you had known that he was really Stephen Baldwin?"

"No." she said truthfully.

"Our marriage has been destroyed by the star of Bio-Dome. How are we going to explain this to our children? At least Danny was in Homicide: Life on the Street. This betrayal could have almost been justified. You need to make this right." James demanded, squeezing Stephen's head tighter. "You owe my wife sex with Daniel Baldwin. Fix it or I will end you."

James released the Baldwin brother and handed him the phone.

"Danny," Stephen wept into the phone. "I need your help. It's happened again."