Mother and Daughter 3

I feel alone and yet free. I can't believe I left my husband to come to America. I did not know my will was so strong. My daughter, she is with me, yet I feel alone. I can't help this feeling. I go to church and yet I feel nothing. It is horrible. My daughter I delight in. She is lonely too in this new country. Not sure at all what this country is about. She and I share things about school and other things. Sometimes, I imagine that I am little too, just like her.

Mom is so kind and true. I like her very much. She makes me kim-bap and then we talk. I tell her how lonely I am and how much I miss my friends in Korea. She asks me why I don't make new friends, and I talk about how hard it is to not speak English. All I see are faces. All I hear is chatter or noises. I am so lonely I wish we had not left Korea and I ask her when dad is coming.

I play the piano when I am lonely. I play Chopin and imagine the raindrops plopping on the ground. My daughter comes next to me and leans her head on my shoulder and we begin to talk about our new life together. She asks when dad is coming and I say he's dead. "He's not dead. You are lying." Then she runs away and begins to cry. I don't know why I said that except that I wished that he was dead. It's not a good thing to say so I apologize and then I play the piano again, Chopin. It is a beautiful sound, a sad beautiful sound.