Observations on bus travel

Strangely there are people who seem to wait at bus stops, usually one of the wider amongst us and pulling a trolley, when to their absolute amazement a bus pulls up. They leap forward to be the first in the queue to get on, then they stop:

“Er where does this bus go to?”

There follows a long discussion with the driver as to the route the bus takes, while the queue becomes steadily longer and very often wetter. After a while the discussion with the driver is resolved and they suddenly think of buying a ticket. Another long wait while they search through their pockets/handbags for the necessary cash or an oyster card.

The occasional thin person manages to squeeze past the person/trolley combination, but at last the deal is completed and the person moves a few feet along the bus allowing the rest of the potential passengers to force their way past the obstruction.

There’s a collective sigh of relief as the bus moves off. Then after only two stops the person rings the bell and pushes their way off through the front door, getting in the way of the passengers trying to board the vehicle as he/she goes.

Now admittedly there is an argument for asking the driver to confirm his route, but there is no excuse in my mind for having to look for a means of paying for the journey on the bus itself, after all they are expecting to travel on a bus and should have their fare ready.

In my area I’m blessed with a large choice of routes to take me to my required destination. There are problems however, first of all I have to stop the bus at my request stop and secondly get on the damn thing.

Part of the problem is that there are several routes sharing the same bus stops. Consequently there is nearly always a large crowd of people waiting. But let’s ignore all that and say that I got on.

Quite often there are seats available at the back of the bus but everyone wants to get off somewhere along the route so they all crowd round the exit door. The bus driver presses the appropriate switch to activate the recorded voice of a charming young lady saying “pass down the bus please” but this is often to no avail. So we’re all left standing in the front while the rest of the vehicle is half empty.

There is an alternative to this procedure! Walk back along the route to the previous mandatory bus stop. Here you will find a large crowd of completely undisciplined people crowding the edge of the pavement trying to jump on anything with wheels that stops long enough.

The only way to make sure I get on the bus I want is to leave it until everybody has gone to college or work. However there is quite often a problem even with this method.

Have you noticed the increasing number of baby buggies, if that’s the correct terminology? The user is supposed to get on the vehicle by asking the driver if he can extend the ramp provided for the purpose. But there’s a problem even here. The ramp can’t be extended or retracted until all the doors are shut, with the ensuing loss of overall time on the journey, so lots of buggy pushers get onto the bus at the front before attempting to work their way along past all the standees to get at the space left for these thing half way along the bus.

The bus designers have obviously thought of this and narrowed the width between seats when the buggy has nearly got to the allocated space. Sometimes the method is successful but a lot of these things are built with side extensions to make them more obstructive when going along the pavement.

All these problems are caused by standard child single seaters. There is now a growing tendency to accommodate twins or triplets in the things with a consequent increase in width. Naturally as any normal person would understand there is not enough room on a bus to accommodate more than one of these monsters.

Don’t you believe it! I managed to get on a bus the other day where a triplet carrier was squashed in with two single seaters. Now I’m not quite as flexible as I once was and the only way I could pass along the bus was by working my stomach round the protruding handles and manoeuvre the other side of me with some force past the vertical supports in the vehicle! Then of course the reverse procedure when I needed to get off!

As the summer approaches there are now people with rucksacks! Sometime slung over one shoulder just to interfere with one row of passengers as they pass along, or worn on the back so that every time they swivel slightly on their way to a seat every passenger on either side of them gets a thump. Such people are usually young men in the prime of life and they just walk as normal between the rows of seats, and if well brought up, occasionally say ‘sorry’ to their victims on the way.

The other day I saw some clever lady who’d thought up a variation on the standard obstructive techniques. She carefully chose a seat for two normal people that happened to be empty, then put her shopping on the seat furthest from the window and stood in the gangway guarding it. If it was a competition I think this method would score maximum points. She managed to prevent two passengers from sitting down and obstructed the gangway at the same time.

Then fat people who ought to be charged for the number of seats they occupy. I don’t mean just fat fat, but wide fat! If they’re already in a seat then sitting beside them is difficult to say the least. Perch half of your bottom on the seat and leave your legs out between the rows of seats.

Alternatively if you happen to have found a seat already, then one of these outsize people may well wedge themselves in beside you. As sure as eggs you’ll need to get off the bus before they do and since they can’t move easily you have to climb over them to get out.

God only knows what will happen in the summer when our oversized friends from across the pond come here for the Olympic Games!