first love

i thought you were too cute
too unbelievably beautiful for me
and then
seeing you, dating you
talking to you via the phone,
it was more than i could ask for, and then
when you laughed
then sighed, you were absolutely
smiling in your grace.

something in me lit up, i wanted
to live for someone else
not my sorry confused self
but for you
a light in the midst of darkness
a snowflake
frozen in the deep dark night
pretending to be a star,
signaling, homing
messages from...

it was the first time
i really burst open
my insides coming undone.

your words like food
that rains upon
pains painted with deformities
your words
like sunshine
to lift my head to fullness...
the luxurious afterthoughts of having been
fully satiated with being.