I am still a child

I was standing by the water, watching the lake silently throwing small waves upon its rocky bank. In the darkness of the night, in a sea of sounds without faces, underneath a blanket of shiny stars, I was motionless. Attentively I listened to the vibrations surrounding me, thinking it could have been my wedding serenade.

but i had to say no!
I have been planning this for a while and it has been quite simple. I longed for a clamorous drama and now after the tumult fuss is left behind me like a long sweaty trail, I undressed, throwing my festive wedding dress on the wet ground that was scorched by my steamy tears of satisfaction. Adrenalin was pumping in me in quantities and the continuous heart beats were adding an extra loud thump to the rustle of the night. A narrow moon projected a ray of light on my dress, exposing the many mud stains I acquired on my race to the lake. Those stains looked hideously funny. How we laughed all the way, me and my wickedness, rolled with over joy, screaming; we did it, we did it to him, yes, yes, yes, we did it!

For weeks I had been sitting with my diary, drawing an escape plan, writing my monologue, drawing smiles of embarrassments, staining the paper with tears of my revenge. I did not want the money and the presents. I could have said yes, collect the many gifts, get married, dance, eat exotic food and then celebrate my departure with puffed pockets. But now my heart is puffed and its worth me a much bigger fortune.

I was imagining I heard a wailing jackal. Following its sound I walked towards the edge of the lake. With my warm body, I sharply sliced the water, swimming to all directions, reaching the far banks, running out onto high rocks and then jumping in, immersing my whole body in the pure essence of the water, splashing a lot, making as much noise as I could. It’s me, I shouted while resting on a rock, it’s me who turned worlds upside down. I created a revolution that will never be forgotten among the ornate clan I belonged to.

My parents will never dare talk about this wedding that failed to happen, not with my disappointed groom nor with his spruced up face parents. His parents wanted me to have a face lift and to lighten it up too. A gift for your wedding, they said, it will make you feel younger, they exclaimed. I counted eighteen round years of my life on this earth. My legs were strong and well sculptured, running always with confidence. My hair was lush, shiny and blowing with the wind: my laughter, lofty and healthy. They wanted me to have a cosmetic surgery to feel younger? Am I not young? Am I not like a child now, running in rampage, playing with the lake, naked and not ashamed, alone and a little bit afraid of that imaginary jackal?

I will go soon to sleep cuddled up in the sleeping bag I remembered to bring and I will drink sweet cold milk chocolate I had with me too; And even if I will still be frightened from the might darkness of the night; even if I will wake up suddenly and cry for my mother, and even if a jackal will truly manifest itself here and expose its angry sharp teeth at me, even though, I will still wake up in the morning, feeling fresh, bright, radiant and happy. I know I will be happy, because I will be free to be still young and still, me; a child, forever a child.