food for the spirit

I am grateful for that first cup of tea of the day, Chris made me this morning.

Chris wakes up and stands up immediately and like a zombie, he walks to the kettle, switches it on even before he goes to the toilet. You can’t talk to him at those moments, he won’t hear. His focus is on that cup of coffee he is about to drink. Eyes still closed, he reaches into the fridge for the milk, walks back to the kitchen surface and prepares his drink. Once it’s ready, he takes a sip while still standing in the kitchen and only after he inhales the fresh aroma of his Nescafe, and takes a quick taste to check it’s up to his standards, he walks back to bed, props his pillow up and relaxes into the art of drinking your first morning brew. Through this entire blind like routine of his, he passes me as I am already up and sitting by the computer. “Do you want a drink” he asks like a robot. “Yes, anything herbal,” I always answer and this is the end of our conversation for now, apart from my “thank you” as he hands me a boiling hot mug.

*****

I am grateful that ram says I am so cute.

It’s Ram’s bed time and he is asking if I can read him another chapter from that book I so much wanted him to read. We lay in his bed together, fan full blasting above our heads and we can hear the heavy monsoon rain from across the curtain; but we feel safe as we snuggle under our cotton quilts, feeling dry and tired. I read a sentence containing the word positive in it.
“What does it mean?” he is asking.
I turn my head to face him, our noses nearly meet.
“Ask me if I want sugar in my tea!” I ordered him.
He laughs, “We are not having tea now!” I giggle too.
“Come on, just ask, and pretend.”
He gives up, “Do you want sugar in your tea?”
“Now listen carefully,” I tell him, “I can answer – no, I don’t want sugar in my tea, or, simply and more positively, I can answer, it’s great how it is!”
“I get it” he shouts and dances with his body still lying down, “positive is being nice”.
We giggle for a while and read a few more paragraphs and then I ask him to say good night and turn the lights off. Normally, he fights back screaming he is not tired and it’s not bed time yet or I am not a baby, why do I have to go to bed so early: but today he smiles. “I am happy as I am” he says.
So I read him a few more pages and then without announcing what I am doing, I get up, kiss him on his forehead, cheeks and nose and even his little pointy chin and he looks at me like a tiny puppy and says, “Ima, you are so cute!”

****

I am grateful that the rain is still coming down, watering all the plants.

It’s mid July, tropical environment, it is supposed to be raining. All the local people have just finished planting all the new short shoots of rice plants. I tried it once, back breaking job, not for me. All day, your legs are in the water, backs fully bent and you are planting hundreds of plants. It’s raining above them, tapping the plastic sheets hanging on their bodies and I pass by riding on my scooter, slowing down to watch them and to avoid the deep pot holes, full of water now. It is so green around, fresh bright green, the color of growth and life. I take deep breaths when I get stuck at home and can’t go out because the rain is seriously heavy and it is flooding the roads and my garden too. I take another deep breath when I feel slight agitation sneaking into me, threatening my acceptance of nature. I take another deep breath and exhale slowly, blowing a mosquito off my arm. I am not going to be angry; I am not going to let it make me feel down! Determination is filling me up, shoving despair into nothingness and I allow myself to grow together with the new tomato plants I am nursing.