Eloise and the Magic Elixir III

Cochise, the Apache Houswife

Ever since Aunt Eloise metamorphosed into Cochise, the Apache warrior, her husband has been spending nights alone. Aunt Eloise now lived outdoors, and Uncle Louie liked it that way.

Outside, Eloise looked both ways before crossing the lawn. When she got to the tree, she shimmied up the rough bark of the big oak, grabbed hold of the first limb, pulled herself up, and sat watching the squirrels with practiced concentration. Then, with the grace of a gazelle, she carefully unbuttoned the top of her housecoat and removed the blowgun.

 The squirrels were skittish about the whole ordeal and complained bitterly to each other, but Cochise hadn't had a decent kill in over a century, and he was hungry. It is good to be an Indian when one is hungry, thought Cochise.

Meanwhile, many miles and many years apart, the Chircahua Apaches were planning a raid on settlers somewhere in the Arizona Territory. The year was 1864.

"Cochise?"  Rained On His Head All Day And Didn’t Even Complain One Bit Not Much said. "The raiding party is waiting and seeks your inspection."

Cochise looked perplexed.

"Cochise," Why Don't You White Devils Get Off Our Backs And Return To Your Own Damn Country said. "You look like one who still sleeps under the stars and has seen bad spirits."

Cochise remained still; his gaze hard, his mind racing.

"Cochise?" Will Not Bend Over Again When Little Girly Man Is In Same Teepee said. "What is wrong my friend?

"Cochise?" Eloise replied. "Who's Cochise? I'm going to the mall. Anyone seen my handbag?"