A Weekend with Vladimir Putin

"I'm standing next to a mirror. Surely you must know how reflections work!" he shrieked.

"Calm down matey! I didn't mean to offend. So what's up?" I inquired.

"Not much, not much at all." said he.

"Is that so?" Said I.

We stared vacantly at each other for twelve minutes.

"This is boring! Why did I bother coming here? I hiked here from London. It took me 2 years! I got lost in Poland for three months." I squawked at him.

"Yes, and I didn't invite you either, you broke in! Which is impressive considering this is one of the most secure military bases in the world."

“Well I just wanted to see what my old buddy was up to.”

“I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

At this I screamed a torrent of abuse at the Russian leader: “Oooh! You think you’re a big man with all your fancy guns and whatnot! Well you ain’t!”

“Am too!” he retorted.

“’Fraid not!” I shrieked into his face.