Seconds

Am I floating? Am I
looking at myself? Am I dead? All I wanted was one more, one more. I
told myself I could handle it. Oh those seconds. What will happen, my
mom my sister, my girlfriend. Oh my God my girlfriend what will she
do, she thought I was perfect, I... I was I had the perfect life, All
Star soccer team at Athens high school, I had straight A's without
studying, my family had money, and my girlfriend Sam, oh Sam she is a
dime. She was so beautiful, eyes as brown as the Earths dirt, her
hair is smooth and luxurious black. She has a little scar on her
upper lip from when she was little and tripped, its not an eye sore,
it just adds to her character. I loved her. I needed her and she
needed me. Now i'm gone, all gone. What happened, oh God what
happened.

I graduated I
think. Yes, yes I graduated umm in 2014, this year. We threw our caps
and went to the Cottage. Oh whats the cottage? It's were we all go to
party, there's a nice lake with a cliff we all jump off. There's a
rock concealed on the bottom under the water, we have to jump out
about ten feet. It's like a 35 foot drop so there's room to float
out.

That party was
great. First time I had Sam. She was drunk though. I hope she doesn't
think I took advantage of her. I do love her you know, I do. We were
both pretty plastered, rum in coke will do that to you, like we had a
lot. During the party she went to the bathroom and went out to have a
smoke. My friend and I smoke weed a lot, it helps me cope because
besides my so called perfect exterior, I am dead on the inside. I
don't know why exactly, probably because my family was dying. Not
literally but we never stopped fighting and I feel like it's all my
fault. It is my fault. All my fault, all my fault, all my fault. But
tonight was different so different. My buddy brought out a bag, in it
was mushrooms. Shrooms, I've never had them before. I didn't know how
much I could handle but without weed I needed something. I had one,
two, three, lost count. I walked back into the cottage. I found Sam
sitting there with her shirt off under a blanket and looking at me. I
lay down next to her and one thing led to the other. When we were
done I laid down to embrace her. I held her waste and something
happened. I saw her hair flickering and snakes. I don't know what to
think. I ran out and I ran and ran and ran. Everything was different,
trees were moving and birds were just weird, alien. Oh my God I was
on an alien planet and they were evil. I thought I was then, but I
wasn't.

I was tired and I
just stood there. Then a weird thing showed up. It appeared to be
taller than the trees and had so many hands. It kept saying “What's
wrong? Its me Sam”. It tried to trick me. I didn't fall for its
mischief ways, so I pushed it. It fell back and through the ground.
It just fell straight through the ground. Oh no it was the cliff over
the water. I just pushed Sam off the cliff. Oh shit the rocks. I
looked down to see nothing. Just nothing. Oh wait, I did see
something. A misty red color. I killed her. I don't deserve to live.
The best thing in my life, I killed.

I should die...

I should die...

not her...

not her...

So I jumped. I
didn't jump out, I dove head first straight down. I didn't fall
thought. I started floating. I just floated there. Here actually. I'm
still here, but i'm not floating i'm dead. I look at myself just
lying there. I don't blink I cant I have no eyes, yet I see
everything. Whats wrong what happened to me. If I just died where's
Heaven? Or Hell I deserve Hell, but i'm nowhere. I just hover over
myself.

Red and Blue. The
Police. Ambulance. I get put on a backboard and put into the
ambulance.

Hours later and it
feels like forever. The doctor called my mom and told her that I was
in an accident with my friends. She'll think it was a car accident.
Another half hour later and my family showed up. The doctor pulled my
mom over and said “He consumed too many psychedelics for his body,
he's in a Persistent vegetative state with permanent brain damage
and will unlikely ever wake up.” I've never heard my mom cry so
much. She ran out of the room.

Ill never wake up.

Please let me die.
My parents put me on life support and I will never go away. I just
float here in the air.

It was two days
later when I had my happiest moment in days. Sam walked in. She
didn't die oh thank god she didn't die. The had a bandage over her
arm. I guess she just got cut when I pushed her. She hugged me and
kissed my cheek and left.

Day after day week
after week. How did this happen. I had things going for me. I had a
future and I was in love. In literally the five seconds it took me to
eat those mushrooms, I was gone, and I hurt every one I knew.

Day after day and
week after week.

Day after day and
week after week.

My mom walked in
crying and she was whispering. She said goodbye and that they can't
keep me plugged up anymore. My mom left. I was happy I could go, and
I saw my face. I saw my actual face and I saw a tear in my eye. Just
one tear.

I faded away that
night with Sam on my mind. She survived.

It all changed in
that five seconds. Oh those five seconds...