Everywhere

I can’t help but remember how I loved you so deeply. So much that I granted you immortality with only the broken love in my heart and a fountain pen in my trembling hand. You found yourself in a thousand stories and poems. You saw yourself reflected in my eyes anytime you bothered a look in my direction . Eventually, you stopped meeting my gaze. You avoided my eyes at all costs.  I wrote and wrote and wrote. 

Did you notice? Did you ever thank me for this gift that wasn’t supposed to be granted to you? Did you ever thank me for letting you go and also not? 

In trying to get away from you, I immersed myself deeper into you. I found you in the air I breathe and the roses I avoid to distance myself from cliches. I found you in the muddy streams I romp around in to free my soul. I found you in the birds that chirped before the sun even rose. I found you in the crying girl I used to be that held a razor to her wrist. I found you in everything. Now, the most I can find is a passive aggressive remark you left for me, because you know I check your blog every single day in case I missed a post. You said you didn’t trust me. But you always trusted my impulsive tendencies. You always trusted the broken parts of me, but never the parts that demanded to love you.