Jesus is Coming Late 3 - The 2 Witnesses

Chapter 7   The Two Witnesses

MD and AJ worked in an office which was part of an old house.  MD was a brilliant writer, had
had a poem read out on BBC television, and won the runners’ up prize in all sorts of
competitions, but had, frustratingly, never made any money.  He convinced himself, now, that
he was working for God and that God would provide his needs.  

AJ was a brilliant website designer.  He had designed a website about Maitreya being the
Anti-Christ, with plenty of interesting video clips.  One of them showed a Christian being
martyred.  A woman stood before Maitreya in the temple.  “Will you take the mark?” Maitreya
kept asking. The Christian kept saying no.  Finally, the trap door opened.  The Christian fell
into a huge fish tank and was surrounded by hungry pirana fish.  “Jesus loves you, Maitreya,”
said the Christian, as the pirana fish tucked in and the blood foamed around her body.  “Why
don’t you repent and believe the good news?  Now I’m going to Heaven.  Praise the Lord,”
she said, as her body disappeared into a swirling pool of blood.  Of course, the government
tried to block his website, but they never could.  AJ was an IT geek, and always managed to
outwit them.  He knew where to hide a file on the internet so that it was visible to a search
engine, even when the authorities thought they had erased it.  He even made his own search
engines, as the authorities would never let people look up “Christians being martyred” on
Google.

MD sat at his computer.  “There is a Yahoo in New Zealand,” he said.  “Let’s send a spam
email to every Yahoo customer in New Zealand.”  AJ logged onto the Yahoo New Zealand
site on his computer.
“I can see all their email addresses,” said AJ.  “Every member of the government of New
Zealand, they all have Yahoo email addresses.”
“Send them a personal message from me,” said MD, “warning them about Maitreya, and
saying that they should have nothing to do with him.  I will finish the message in half an hour.”

At that moment, 2 policemen burst through the door.  AJ looked at them, and they caught fire.
They screamed.  Soon, there was nothing left of each policeman but a pile of ashes with a
police hat on the top.
“Just call it spontaneous human combustion,” said AJ.
“By the way,” said MD, “the camera on my computer is running all the time.  It filmed that.  Put
it on the website.  ‘We’re the two witnesses.  Perhaps you’d like to stop us.”
“I can here an American drone missile,” said AJ.
“Hear it?  What does one sound like?”
“A kind of faint, whooshing noise.”
“I can’t hear anything.”
“It’s about 4,000 feet away.”  AJ looked out of the window.  “It’s just broken cloud cover.”  MD
couldn’t see anything.  The missile was too small, only AJ could see it.  MD saw the huge
flash of the exploding missile, as AJ exploded it with his psychic powers.

MD had made a laser.  It was a tiny little thing plugged into a battery and held on a stand,
which he put on his desk.  He demonstrated the laser by burning a brown mark in a piece of
paper.
“I took the laser out of my old CD player,” said MD.  “I want us to advertise this service on the
website.  Have your mark of the beast tattoo removed.”

Pastor Bole was one of the first to have his tattoo removed.  He sat down next to MD in the
office.
“I should never have taken the mark,” he said.  “I thought Maitreya was Jesus.  I’ve been in
such a terrible state since I had that tattoo.  The nightmares never end.  And I hear voices.  
They direct me to kill Christians.”  MD turned on the laser, and Pastor Bole put his tattoo
underneath.  “Aaaagh, oooogh!” he shrieked.  “Is this thing a proper medical laser?”
“No,” said MD.  “I made it from an old CD player.”  Pastor Bole’s screams continued.  “Do
you want me to stop?”
“No, no, carry on.”  After a few minutes, the tattoo was gone.  “Thank you,” said Pastor Bole.  
“Thank you so much.  The voices have gone.  I can think again.”

One person who wanted his tattoo removed had no right hand.  The tattoo was on his
forehead.
“I’m one of the 144,000,” he said.
“I thought you believed in the Maitreya,” said MD.
“We’ve changed our stance.  I always taught that people had to be sincere and follow the
ideals of their own religion, whatever that may be.  But the ideas of Maitreya’s religion
include sacrificing people to Satan on prime time TV.  It wasn’t like that at first, but since
someone shot Maitreya, and a demon possessed his body and raised him from the dead,
we see his true colours.”  MD put a blindfold on the patient.  “Why the blindfold?”
“This is not a proper medical laser,” said MD.  “I made it from an old CD player.  It will hurt,
but it will do the job.”
“Do it.  If I could free from these horrible dreams and evil, violent thoughts.”

AJ sat in front of the camera on top of his desk and looked right into it.  “Today, I put a curse
on Israel.  It will not rain there until Maitreya stops his human sacrifices.”  All sorts of
messages appeared on the two witnesses Facebook site.  One from a farmer, with a video
clip of him driving his tractor.
“You will put us out of business.”
One from the Israeli tourist board, showing pictures of the sea, fields and mountains and
playing relaxing music.
“Come to Israel.  Have a relaxing family two week break while you come to the temple to
take the mark.  The weather’s always sunny.”  The economy was more complicated these
days.  Once, no rain in Israel meant famine.  Today, it meant bankrupt farmers and rapidly
expanding tourism.

Maitreya replied to AJ’s broadcast with a video address of his own.  This message was
broadcast on every television channel some time that day, in all the world’s languages.
“Hardly a day goes by without some huge disaster in the world that kills millions of people.  
Massive earthquakes, massive volcanic eruptions, asteroids hitting the oceans, major
tsunamis.  There are 144,000 people who still refuse to take the mark, and they are to
blame.  They use their powers to make it happen.  They sit in front of a map of the world,
and they point at it with their finger, and they say, yes, I’ll have an earthquake here, an
asteroid here, a tsunami there.  We will have no mercy on these enemies of the people.  If
you suspect that someone is a dissident, call the number on your screen.”   The number of
human sacrifices, which had been high already, increased ten fold.

The two witnesses held a press conference.  MD stood on the stage and spoke into a
microphone.
“Time is very, very short.  You don’t exactly need a PHD in Comparative Theology to see
that Jesus is coming soon.  You must repent very quickly.  Fall on your knees.  Confess
your sins.  Cry out to God for mercy.  This is the last hour.”  There were some soldiers sitting
in the crowded hall, and AJ could hear them loading the ammunition into their guns.  Quickly,
AJ jumped from his seat and spoke into the other microphone.
“Lord, when you were on Earth, you made blind eyes see.  Now, make seeing eyes blind.”
Suddenly, everybody in the room went blind.
“This is an order.  Open fire!” said a voice.  The soldiers began shooting randomly
everywhere, killing MD and AJ, each other, and everyone in between.
Chapter 8   The Millenium

The news that evening wasn’t very concerned about the fate of the 2 witnesses and the 50
or so people that had been in the hall.  Another story was in the headlines.  A huge
spaceship was hovering over Jerusalem.
“They said it couldn’t happen,” said the news reader, “but stranger things have happened in t
he last 5 years.  Tonight, we have made contact with intelligent life.  A huge spacecraft, 1500
miles long, is hovering over the Middle East and Europe.  Even stranger, thousands of
people are disappearing into thin air.  The Maitreya issued the following statement.”  
Maitreya appeared on the screen.
“This is an evil spaceship that was sent here to destroy the world.  It is gathering all the evil
people from the world, the people who are disappearing, the people who would not believe
in me.  We will gather our armies from the ends of the earth to fight this evil.”

Meanwhile, a team of paramedics were attending the disaster in the hall where AJ and MD
had held their press conference.
“Come up here,” came a loud voice from the sky, and AJ and MD came back to life and
soared through the ceiling.  An old lady one of the paramedics was examining, who still
seemed to be alive, flew up with them.
“Oh well, there’s 3 patients we won’t have to treat,” said one of the paramedics.

MD and AJ stood together, amongst thousands of Christians from all over the world on what
most people thought was a spaceship, which was actually Heaven’s city.  It had a huge
coloured pearl in each of its twelve windows, each pearl being a different beautiful colour,
and each pearl was five miles across and five miles high.  The sound of explosions shook
the ship.
“What’s happening?” someone asked.
“Thousands of aircraft,” AJ explained, “each armed with a 5 Megaton nuclear warhead.  But
the forcefield is reflecting the missiles.  They’re blowing up the aircraft.”
“What happens now?” asked someone else.
“We win,” said AJ.  “Jesus will rule the world for a thousand years, and all the Christians with
him.”
“Wonderful,” said MD.  “I always wanted to be an MP in a caring, socialist government.  Do
you think Jesus will have me as a cabinet minister?  Michael Bates could be Foreign
Secretary and I could be Chancellor of the Exchequer.”
“I think we’ll all have positions in the government of God that would totally surprise us,” said
AJ.  “It’s just going to be so totally different to anything there’s been before.”

When the aeroplanes had all been destroyed, Heaven’s City landed on top of the Mount
of Olives.  Jesus came, shook hands and said hello to everybody.  He didn’t have long hair,
a moustache and a beard, and he wasn’t dressed in sackcloth.  Neither was he wearing a
suit.  The Son of God, the creator of the world, in office shirt and trousers with a cheap pair of
trainers and a short back and sides hair cut.  
“Jesus,” said MD, “can I be a cabinet minister?”
“I don’t think my government actually has a cabinet in the way that you imagine,” said Jesus.
"To govern is to serve.”
“If I serve people well enough do I get promotion?  Will you give me a senior position?”
“There is no guarantee of that.”
“You’re right, Lord,” said MD.  “There never was.  Not even in a human government.  One just
has to serve.  One just has to do what is needed.”
“Now you understand,” said Jesus.  “I’m going to climb up to the top of the Mount of Olives,
and when I get there, it’s going to split in half.”
“If the mountain splits in half, be careful that you don’t fall down the middle,” said one of the
children.
“I won’t fall down the middle,” said Jesus.  “For a start, I’m very unlikely to be standing in the
exact centre, and secondly, I’m the Lord of Creation and I can split a mountain exactly where
I want to.  So don’t worry.”
“Jesus,” asked AJ, “you have got a sense of humour, haven’t you?”
“Yes, I’ve got a perfect sense of humour.  I just don’t think that anything you and MD say is
funny.  That’s why I wasn’t laughing.”
“Oh, thank you, Lord, I thought you were angry,” said MD.
“You are making fools of yourselves, not me,” Jesus explained.

Jesus walked from the ship on to the Mount of Olives.  The Christians were all very excited
and were worshipping him.  When the mount split in two, there was a tremendous roar of
splintering Earth, and streams of water came flowing through the middle.
“Now the nations of the world will worship me,” said Jesus, in a supernatural voice that
everyone could hear.  “The survivors of the nations will come here, and bow down to
worship.  If they don’t do this, they will have no rain.”  Then all the people danced, shouted
and sang in great joy.  The millennial reign of Christ had begun.
Zion Ben Nutcase Here

I’m going to conclude this story by saying what Dave McKay says in his novel, Survivors,
and that is that when Jesus comes again it won’t happen exactly like this.  I’m not a prophet.  
When Jesus actually does come again, some of the details will be different.