The TV Problem

The video recorder never made it to Happy Island, nor did the DVD. We don't even downstream. There's no need.

Alun and I use the TV room in the Empty House, which comes with it's own time-travelling mechanism. Rather than go through all the palaver of setting a recorder or trying to locate a programme on a digital box, we simply set the time machine for the date the programme we want to watch was first broadcast and watch the episode 'live'. This system has the added advantage of not having to wait for a new series to be broadcast, we can simply leap forward in time and see next week's episode early. Indeed, it's possible to watch entire series from the future, the seventh series of Line of Duty is particularly fine.

They system works perfectly, although of course you must always make sure that you close and lock the door of the Empty House before watching TV, otherwise you may accidentally take an intruder back through time with you.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun, holding a dodo.

"I found a dodo, Jed," he said.

"So I see. Aren't they extinct?"

"Yes Jed, they are. However, if somebody was using a time machine to watch TV and FORGOT TO CLOSE THE FRONT DOOR, then it would be perfectly easy for a dodo to walk in, jump forward in time when the programme finished."

"Ah, I was watching Columbo, the episode with William Shatner. I might have forgotten to close the front door."

"That doesn't explain what you were doing in 17th century Mauritius.

"I was adjusting the TV, you know to get the signal right."

"Do you know what year you adjusted it to?"

"No. Does that matter?"

"Do you mean does it matter if we return the dodo to before it was born or after it died, yes it does. It might become it's own father, or it's own grandchild."

"I see, that is a bit of a problem. I suppose we could just keep it, given that the dodos all die out anyway. Nobody will notice, no-one ever comes to the island."

"I suppose so Jed, but you can look after it. I'm not taking in another of your TV-Room cockups, I've got enough on my plate with that T-Rex."

Sheepy, so called after the baaa baaa noise he made, moved into my rare animals shed, next to the geep and the miniature elephants. I did everything I could to amuse him, importing a range of food from Mauritian supplies boat that passed through our archipelago the day after Sheepy's arrival, but in spite of my best efforts he seemed constantly unhappy.

"He needs a mate, Jed." Alun said.

"I could be his mate if he'd let me."

"Not that sort of mate Jed. I mean he's missing home. I've been playing with the television, I think I've found the date and location you travelled to when you were watching Colombo, we can take him back to his Mauritian life."

"I suppose it's for the best," I said. "And I do want to watch the Patrick McGoohan Colombo at some point, we could try tonight."

So that night we took Sheepy to the Empty House and travelled back to the day in seventeenth century Mauritius where I'd accidentally picked him up. However, he showed no sign of wanting to leave.

"We shouldn't force him," Alun said. "Time travel's a funny thing, you shouldn't fling people (or dodos) back into another time zone against their will, even if it's where they belong."

"We could leave the door open, watch an episode of Colombo, and see if he's gone when we've finished."

"That's probably best," Alun agreed. "I do love McGoohan."

Two hourse later we left the TV room, but when we returned to the front of the Empty House there was still a dodo sitting in front of the door.

"Oh no," Alun said, "He still hasn't left. We're going to have to watch another episode."

"That's not Sheepy," I said, "That's Sheepy." I pointed to the other dodo.

"If that's not Sheepy, who is it?"

As if to answer us, the first dodo walked over to Sheepy and gave him an affectionate nuzzle.

"Sheepy's got a girlfriend," I said.

"Yes, and he's brought her back into the Empty House with him. I suppose that means we'll have to take both dodos back with us."

Which is how we come to have the only surviving dodo colony in the world, there are seventeen of them now. I'm going to have to build a bigger rare animals shed at this rate.