Public Figure #7803

“You understand what you’re doing here, right?”

Damien shrugged, and gave a warm laugh. “I’m selling my soul away.”

Raymond‘s face erupted into an inhumanly wide smile and he let loose a soft chuckle. “No, you’re not! After all, get one day completely to yourself, which I believe is... Sunday.” He remarked, putting down the sheet of paper in his hand.

“My mums a Christian, so she insisted.” He shrugged.

“Oh she is? I didn’t know that! That’s lovely!” Damien was sure he had mentioned this before, and didn’t see anything particularly interesting about the fact, but only managed to stutter a muted response.

“Of course, you will be on documenting duty from Monday through Saturday. You be expected to produce a video that’s at least fifteen minutes long each day, going over your life. And be sure to give each one a snappy title. Preferably in all caps. They’ll be an ad before the video, and one midway through. Your sponsor is Arachnid Electronics. I don’t expect you’ll need to mention to much, beyond a few words at the end, but be careful not to say anything negative about them. You’ll lose their support, and it’ll create a bad name for you in general. Just be sure to say what you’re told. But I can’t imagine you’ll have much to say about them.”

Damien nodded slowly. “And what happens if I run out of ideas? You know, for the video? Or if I’m not doing anything interesting?”

Raymond shrugged. “With good editing, you can make just about anything seem interesting.”

Seem interesting. “Ah. Okay.”

“And, oh, of course, you can expect a few surprises along the way.”

Damien looked confused for a few moments, before his facial features retracted back to their usual position. “Yeah, my mate mentioned that.”

“Ah, he did. Them you should know what we’re in for. Occasional, the guys behind the scenes will cook up something for you to stumble across during your  daily routine. For the purpose of spicing things up a little, cause some drama to bring in the views. And remember, the more views, the more money.”

“Yeah, no, I get it.” Damien paused. “Although it doesn’t kind of feel like we’re... cheating the audience?”

“What?”

“It’s just that this is a blog about my daily routine, and we’re kind of blatantly lying to them.”

“I don’t get the question.” Raymond looked at Damien for a few long moments with seemingly non functional eyes. It was as if he were a robot that had momentary entered sleep mode at the wrong time. They his eyes suddenly moved, and he was off again. “Well, you don’t know what’s coming, so you’re reaction will be genuine.”

“It won’t be dangerous?”

“Well, these days people aren’t amused by conventional comedic displays. Subtlety, for example, is far too boring, and time consuming. They need something more, dramatic, exciting. Something quick, immediate, that basically explodes in front of their face. It’ll really made them smile.“ The ambiguity in the sentence left Damien uncertain.

Raymond powered on. “So, we know you have a small fan base already, but as per our contract, you’ll need a much more considerable reputation by the end of the year for us to further our arrangement. If you get more subs, more brand deals, them we’ll be overjoyed to keep you working for us. But it’s a crowded market, so it can be tough. You’ll need to...”

“Find a distinctive voice.” Damien suggested hopefully, only to be treated to Raymond giving him a condescending look.

“No, I was going to say, you’ll need to find what people love, and be sure to have that in your content. Like, what’s the trendy clothes. The latest internet sensation. You’ll likely come up more in searches, and get more views.”

“It’s not a bit derivative, is it?” Damien asked. “Copying what everyone else does?”

“Look, people like loud, boisterous personalities. They don’t care for intellectual pricks, questioning the reasoning of everything they like. They don’t want to feel you think your better than them. You’re either with them, or you’ll be declared against them. I’d keep that in mind.”

For a moment, Raymond’s eyes narrowed to an icy point, but suddenly the glare disappeared, and the insincere smile made its scripted return.

“So, how about it? Are you ready? To live out the American dream?” Raymond gave the man beneath him a huge smile.

Damien sat, his eye lowered to the bare decoration of the floor, as he thought.

“I don’t know.” He finally said. “My friends are all doing it, and that’s fine. Whatever makes each person happy, you know. But I don’t think this is for me.”

“You’re not... backing out? Not after all the time I’ve personally put into this?”

“I don’t intend to put myself forward for the personal amusement of others. Especially if it’s dangerous and degrading, and just... insincere. All a big lie.” 

Raymond tried to smile gently, but produced a scowl instead, and tutted disapprovingly at Damien. “Where do you expect to get in life without risk? Life rewards the bold.”

“Bold as in innovative? Or bold as in stupid? Regrettably, you maybe do have a point. Mostly, though, life is irrational. It favours those who have the good fortune of being in the right place at the right time.”

“Only by being bold, will people watch you. By daring to do something few others will. Are you willingly to do that? Something bold?” 

“Yeah? Like eat a feces sandwich? Having someone shoot me with only a book to defend myself? Make fun of suicide victims? Leak my bloody sex tape? Sounds brilliant. Well, thanks but no thanks.” Damien shot out of his chair, and make a move for the door. “I have standards mate. I’d rather life an average life, then get buckets of money for being a talentless, obnoxious brat with a fat arse!” He started in a calm voice, but ended with an angered yell.

“I’d rather you show some respect.” Raymond stated coolly.

“Oh! Respect? Well, I can’t imagine they’ve heard of it. So, strangely enough, I don’t feel obliged to give it to people who aren’t even familiar with the concept, and who’ve done nothing to deserve it. I’ll give it to doctors, musicians. Hell, anyone who’s a decent person. But them, no. People who have money only because they appeal to an audience to impressionable to see the talentless prats that they really are.” Damien looked away from Raymond, and reached for the door

“Fine then, walk away. But don’t blame me if you want to blow your brains out when you realise people working under me are making more than you at your shitty desk job.”

Damien shook his head. “I can’t stand pricks like you. Who’ll back me up until the moment I say no to them, and then immediately turn into a hissy little git. Now bugger off mate. I don’t want to be exactly the same as everyone else. If you were a decent person you would just accept that.”

Then Damien left the room, and the door slammed shut as his footsteps faded into obscurity. Raymond was left in silence. 

“I don’t understand him...” He finally said, before letting out a heavy theatrical sigh. “What a weirdo.”