Windows, Peasants, Blood

The wealthy shop owner counted his money and laughed.

“This is a lot of money!”

Suddenly a peasant carrying a bucket burst into the shop.

“Sir, I’d like to clean your window!” he shouted.

“I already have a window cleaner” laughed the wealthy shop owner as he quickly stuffed his money into his pockets.

“How much do they charge?”

“£15”

“Well I’ll pay YOU £5 if you let me clean it” pleaded the peasant.

“Why would you do that?” asked the shop owner, who had become suspicious of the peasant ever since he noticed he was a peasant.

“Well, it’s a wonderful window, sir. And this is a very fancy shop. Would look great on my CV if I could say I’d cleaned your window, sir”

He was right. It was a fancy shop and it was a wonderful window thought the shop owner.

“Okay, it’s a deal” said the shop owner holding out his hand. The peasant shook it. “No, I want my £5.” The peasant paid him and exited the shop to begin cleaning the window.

The shop was closing in half an hour, so the shop owner went back to counting his money, chuckling once more.

Closing time came and the shop owner left the shop where he found the peasant still cleaning the window.

“Nearly done” said the peasant.

“How much longer?” asked the wealthy shop owner.

“Hard to say, sir. You go on home. I’ll finish up here”.

“Fine” said the shop owner, who locked the door and returned home to his large house.

The next morning the wealthy shop owner returned to his fancy shop to find the peasant still cleaning the window.

“What in God’s name?!” cried the shop owner.

“Sorry, sir” said the peasant “Just trying to get this last bit right. Won’t be much longer”.

The shop owner opened up the shop and went back to counting his money. An hour went by and the peasant was still cleaning the window. This would not do. He left the shop and told the peasant enough was enough.

“I just want to do a good job, sir. I won’t be much longer”.

“No, you must stop now. You’re scaring off my customers” roared the shop owner.

“Sorry, sir, but I did pay you £5 to clean your window. We had a deal” said the peasant. He was right, a deal was a deal, even between a peasant and a wealthy shop owner. The shop owner returned inside and started counting his money again.

Closing time came and the shop hadn’t had a single customer. The peasant was still cleaning the window.

“I want you gone by the time I come in tomorrow” insisted the shop owner.

“Of course, sir. I’m nearly done. You’re going to have the cleanest window on the street”.

Tomorrow arrived and the peasant was still standing outside the fancy shop, cleaning the wonderful window.

“I want you to leave right now!” Deal or no deal, you’ve got to go!” yelled the wealthy shop owner as he grabbed the peasant by the arm. A large chunk of flesh came away from the peasant’s arm and as the wealthy shop owner looked at it he could see it was filled with worms.

“Oh god. I’m sorry” cried the shop owner. Filled with guilt he told the peasant he could carry on cleaning the window until lunch time.

Lunch time came and the shop owner left the shop to speak to the peasant.

“Well it’s lunch time. And it looks like you’re finished. This is the cleanest window on the street”.

The peasant window cleaner looked at the window and agreed this was true.

“Well, I guess I’ll be…” the peasant began to say before snapping the fingers off his left hand, spraying blood all over the clean window. “Oh no. Look at this mess. This is going to take forever to clean up, especially with only one hand”.

The peasant returned to cleaning the window.

“No. No. No.” barked the wealthy shop owner. “That’s enough. How much do you want?”

“Want for what, sir?”

“To stop cleaning my window. I’ll give you £5,000”.

“Deal” said the peasant.

The shop owner went to the safe and pulled out £5,000, then gave it to the peasant.

The peasant ran off and the shop owner set about the difficult task of cleaning the blood off the window.

While the shop owner was distracted with his window cleaning, becoming increasingly covered in blood himself, the peasant returned in his newly bought £5,000 suit and snuck into the shop, locking the door behind him.

“What the devil?!” cried the shop owner. “Open that door immediately!”

“I don’t think so” laughed the peasant in the £5,000 suit.

“Right, I’ll show you” said the shop owner before calling over a passing police officer. “That man has stolen my shop!”

The police officer took one look at the man standing inside the shop in a £5,000 suit and the man covered in blood and immediately arrested the shop owner for filing a false police report.