Covid 19 Youtube(1)

The inhabitants of Piddledon Farm sat in a huge lounge looking at a 45 inch projector screen. The curtains were drawn so that they sat in almost total darkness. A middle aged man with brown plastic glasses and wearing a brown suit appeared on the screen, his teddy bear and ornamental toy dragon behind him revealing that he was broadcasting from his bedroom.
"Good morning," he said. "Welcome to Piddledon Farm Community Church official Covid 19 Youtube channel. The government's lockdown began on Wednesday so I haven't had time to record a sermon. I was given the option of either recording a sermon or sharing one of my favourite programmes. So here is one of my favourite Christian TV programmes. It's called Countdown to Armageddon."
"Isn't it wonderful," said Matthew, "this modern technology. He is sitting in his bedroom, he is sitting in his bedroom."
"Yes," said Stanley, "that is certainly where Ken is sitting." Matthew waved his arms excitedly.
"Ken is sitting in his bedroom making a Christian TV programme. Anyone can preach the gospel to the whole world on Youtube."
"Yes, it's marvellous technology," said Magnus.

 

The words Countdown to Armageddon appeared in big letters on the screen and music played. The music faded away and an old man with grey hair and pronounced wrinkles sat smiling happily at the camera.
"This is Countdown to Armageddon," said the old man. "This is a very special edition of Countdown to Armageddon. It's our anniversary broadcast. Because today, Countdown to Armageddon, the Jesus is Coming in Your Lifetime programme, is 50 years old."
"If Jesus is coming in his lifetime he'd better be quick," said Maria.
A middle aged man with round metal glasses and not much remaining brown hair appeared on the screen. "Yes Colin, I definitely think that the second coming of Christ is 50 years nearer than it was 50 years ago."
"Well James," said the old man, "no other generation has seen the signs that we have seen. The restoration of Jerusalem to the Jews in 1967. Churches planted in all the countries of the world. Did Jesus not say that the gospel will be preached to all nations and then the end will come?" James waved his hands and shouted at Colin excitedly.
"The generation that sees all of these signs will be the generation that sees Jesus come again."
"Yes James," said Colin. "Kathryn Kuhlman appeared on this programme in 1972 and said that the young children who are alive today, they will be the generation that see the Second Coming of Christ."
"Colin, that gives me great comfort because I was a young child in 1972. I will live to see the coming of the Lord. Colin, you will die of old age, I will be raptured."
"I think Kathryn Kuhlman gave them the right to broadcast that programme for another 30 years without looking ridiculous," said Stanley. "Is Ken going to send us a link to the 75th anniversary broadcast in 25 years time?"

 

Two days later Gordon and Terry both became ill with covid 19 and both retreated into the bedroom they shared. They had nothing to do but record a long theological conversation they had with eachother and the other inhabitants of Piddledon Farm had nothing to do but watch it. On Friday afternoon, Matthew sat with the itablet he had bought for £49.99 and selected a programme entitled Gordon and Terry in Lockdown.
The two men appeared on the screen with towels wrapped around their heads to absorb the sweat of their high fever.
"I'm looking for the truth and I haven't found it yet," said Terry.
"Jesus is the truth," said Gordon. "I'm content to belong to Jesus. Being a Christian has got nothing to do with following the teachings of Jesus. If the Bible ended at the book of John we'd all go to Hell. It's a question of belonging to Jesus and being transformed by the Holy Spirit."
"I'm looking for Christians who follow the teachings of Jesus. Like the one that says sell all you have and give the money to the poor."
"But you're never going to find a church where they sell all they have and give the money to the poor," said Gordon.
"Isn't that what they do here?"
"I thought it was until I was sitting in a meeting one day and I looked down at the figures on my sheet and realised that the church had £4 million in the bank."
"Why don't they give it all away?" asked Terry.
"If we sold all we had and gave all the money to the poor, we'd have nowhere to live and some of us would have no jobs. Millstone Farm doesn't make any money. It's only kept going by the millions of pounds of other people's wages that are paid into the church bank account and subsidise ailing church businesses."
"Why are your businesses losing money? I thought God would provide."
"Maybe he would," said Gordon, "if we actually gave our money to other people. But we hold onto it. I've been told time and time again, you can't sponsor a child in the 3rd world, you can't go and visit a school in Ethiopia, we need that money for our International Christian Centre, we need that money for our evangelism. I put £1 into the charity box and bought a poppy last year. Angie saw me wearing the poppy and asked how much I had paid for it. I needed to fill a form in. She  told me that I needed to be accountable. I asked how much money I was allowed to give to charity. She said probably no more than £3 a week and definitely no more than £50 without getting authorisation from Central Office. I told her that I gave more money to the Lord's work when I was unemployed and now I was the manager of a company. Terry, God loves a cheerful giver."
"Oh great, I'll just give £1 once a year and, as long as I do it cheerfully, God will be pleased."
"That wouldn't be cheerful giving," said Gordon. "Giving £20 a month to a child in the third world when I was worried about how I was going to pay the rent, that was cheeful giving. Having all our money in one bank account makes everybody mean."

"Jesus commands us to go and preach the gospel to the world," said Terry. "No one ever does that."
"Now there, Terry, you could be right. That Scottish missionary who asked, 'Who will come with me? Who will come with me?' and there were hundreds of people in that conference hall. God hadn't called them all to be missionaries in India. I refuse to believe that he had called none of them. Nobody came. So he went back to India on his own. And he was old. You're right Terry, few Christians have obeyed that commandment of Jesus."
"I want to go to a country that has no Christians and no churches and no Bibles in any of their native languages."
"You won't find a country like that," said Gordon. "There's always a church there, it might not be very big, or it might even be a persecuted underground church, but it still exists. And there's always a Bible in at least some of their languages, or at least some Christian materials."
"In that case, the best people to evangelise that country are the people who are there already."
"Yes Terry, the best people to evangelise the Sahel desert region of Africa are the millions of African Christians in countries like Ghana and Nigeria, not me and you."
"I want to go to a country where they've never heard the name of Jesus."
"You won't find a whole country like that," said Gordon. "Maybe you'll find a few people there who have never heard the name of Jesus. When Arthur Blessit carried his cross into the Himalayas, no one knew what it meant. They thought he was a sportsman. But you would still find churches in the cities. Relax. If God wants you to go to Tibet, he'll tell you in plenty of time."
"But that's not good enough."
"You have a point, Terry. We missed the opportunity to send millions of English missionaries to countries where no one had ever heard of Jesus. We missed the boat, literally. Hundreds of years ago. But it's not the same world now."
"How very convenient. You and me will never have to become missionaries."

 

"I've created a free Christian movie channel," Matthew told Maria as he was filling a pan with porridge, muesli, weetabix, a spoonful of jam and a cup of milk in order to make his breakfast.
"What do you mean, a free Christian movie channel?" asked Maria. "Do you not have to pay for the films? Is that allowed?"
"I just take all the films that are on Youtube for free and I put links to them on my playlist. And there you have it, a free movie channel."
"That's wonderful," said Rachel. "It would be great to watch some free Christian films together." That evening the projector screen was set up in the big lounge and everybody on the farm sat down to watch the film that Matthew had chosen, "Apocalypse - Return of the Christ." There were cans of pop, chocolate bars, popcorn and crisps on the coffee table as refreshments. This was the Covid 19 equivalent of a good night out. The film ran through the titles and credits and then came the opening scene. A man with a black moustache and a black beard was wearing a black suit. Another man knelt on the ground beside him, dressed like a medieval monk.
"Take courage my friend," said the man in the black suit, "Abaddon will soon be released from the pit, we will soon rule the world." The scene changed. A group of people were sitting in a large hall at a business conference being addressed by a man at the front who stood behind a microphone.
"We want people to have a number," he said, "so that they will be able to buy or sell."
"What about people who forget their number?" asked a woman in the audience.
"We have already made provision for this." The man at the front moved his hand underneath a camera so that the 85 inch screen which was on the wall behind him showed a giant picture of what was written on the back of his hand. The number 666.
"What about those who don't want the number?" asked the woman again.
"They will be eliminated." The scene changed again. A car was driving down a quiet country road. A helicopter was flying overhead. A woman with a rifle leant out of the helicopter and fired at the car. The car came off the road, rolled down a hill and burst into flames. Maria interrupted the film and stood in front of the screen.
"You bring mass murder, violence and the occult into Christian films," she shouted.
"Maria," said Matthew. "If you're going to evangelise people you've got to give them films that they enjoy."

 

The Wednesday morning Bible study had been replaced by a Zoom meeting. Matthew turned on his tablet to see several other members of the community at the farm and a man wearing a mask. Under the mask was written the words Persecuted Christian.
"I am wearing a mask because I live in a country where Christians are persecuted and I do not want to be recognised."
"Which country are you from?" asked Matthew.
"I can't tell you my name or which country I am from."
"Aren't we lucky we live in the UK," said Stanley. "We are one of the two richest countries in the world, Britain and the USA."
"No you're not," said the man in the mask, "you're not even in the top 20 on the Human Development Index. Britain is number 21 and the USA is number 28."
"Still better off than some people," said Stanley. "If you have money in the bank you're in the top 5% of the world's population."
"Do you think that people in other countries don't have bank accounts? You can live in my country and still have money in the bank. What do you think I do with my money? Keep it under the bed?"
"We think you don't have any money," said Angie. "We think that as soon as you get any money you spend it on food, rent and fuel and that you've run out of money before your next wages come."
"Rubbish. I have a bank account. How do you think I can afford to run a motorbike? I have less money in the bank than you but it is worth more. You can buy a house here for £6000."
"Was it a mud hut?" asked Angie.
"No. It was a house made of concrete blocks with a sheet of plywood for a floor in the middle and a corrugated iron roof. Not a mud hut. I visited your farm once and I was amazed by your standard of living."
"Amazed by how rich we are?" asked Stanley.
"No, amazed by how poor you are. I said, oh, isn't it lovely to be travelling in a car with air conditioning. I was told that the air conditioning didn't work and that you couldn't afford to have it repaired, especially as it was such an old car. I eat meat once a week and it is fresh meat from the butchers, better than the wafer thin sausage meat that seems to be your staple diet."
"Wafer thin sausage meat?" asked Ken. "What is that like?"
"Maria buys tins of hot dog sausages," said Pastor Boris. "She cuts them into little round slices and boils them with rice."
"She washes the tomato sauce off the baked beans," said the man in the mask.
"The main problem with a tin of beans that costs 18p is the quality of the tomato sauce," said Pastor Boris. "A problem easily solved if you boil the beans with your rice."
"I worry about you eating that rubbish all the time. I don't think you get enough vitamin C."
"Rachel thinks we don't get enough vitamin C," said Matthew, "which is why, when she cooks the dinner, it is called Death by Vegetables. Half a tree of green vegetables on your plate with peppers, carrots, swede and parsnips. Pasta shells cooked in mushy peas so that they turn green. Enough vegetables to last a normal person a week, condensed into one meal. And if you eat all your vegetables, if you never leave any, they give you a T shirt that says, 'I am a fibre survivor.'"