Rogation Sunday’s Here Again!

Eric was new to the parish, but had found everyone friendly so far, and was regularly being dragged to some event or other by one of his new neighbours.

One night in May he was unsurprised to see Clive at the door, Clive was always dragging him to the pub.

"You coming to the church?" Clive said. "It's Rogation Sunday."

"The church? I didn't know you were religious."

"Trust me. You wouldn't want to miss this."

They walked to the local church, and Eric was surprised to see a large congregation.

Reverend Stevens, began his sermon, in which he talked about Rogation Sunday. "On Rogation Sunday the church calls for gods blessing for the land of the parish. We celebrate the abundance of gods gift and remember we are dependant on his grace. We call on his grace and his mercy. Please follow me on the procession."

So saying Rev Stevens walked out of the church, and the congregation rose from their seats and walked out of their church.

What's going on?" said Eric.

"It's the rogation day procession," said Clive. "We walk around the parish and the reverend offers up a prayer at each of the seven boundary sites."

"What are the seven boundary sites, I don't think I've seen them."

"The Horse and Compass, the Goat and Parasol, The Pterodactyl and Chipmunk, The Seven Lazy Otters, The Henry IV Pub One and Henry IV Pub Two and the Sausage Dog and Pirate's Hat."

Ah, this explained Clive's presence in church. "It's a pub crawl."

"A holy pub-crawl," said Clive. "The best kind."

The procession moved on to the Horse and Compass, where they stopped. Rev Stevens signalled for silence.

"A short prayer to thank god for watching over our parish. May you all be surrounded and protected by the walls and the peace of god. May you be guarded by the angels and the strength of god. May the gate into his protection and security be welcome to you."

Prayer over the congregation rushed into the pub for their first drink. This was soon consumed and the procession progressed on to the Goat and Parasol. Outside the pub, the reverend gave another prayer.

"On this Rogation Sunday we ask god to bless the crops and ask god to give us fine weather and for protection from storms. We remember that god loves the earth and all of gods creatures, the squirrel, the badger, the marmot, the yak/"

"Did he only give us mammals?" said Clive.

"No," said Rev Stevens. "He gave us bacteria, mould and spiders, fish and kangaroos."

"Bless the mould!" said Clive. "You hired me to remove the mould from the vicarage."

The Reverend ignored him. "You may celebrate the blessing," he said to the crowd.

"Celebrate the blessing?" said Eric.

"He means get the drinks in. It's your round."

The procession progressed to The Pterodactyl and Chipmunk, The Seven Lazy Otters and then on to The Henry IV Pub One.

Again the Reverend gave a prayer.

"Rotation Sunday is about remembering that god made the whole earth, and the animals in it," said the Reverend.

"Rotation Sunday?" said Clive

"The world is going round and round Wheeeeee," said the Reverend.

"Is he a little bit drunk?" said Eric.

"He only drinks Rogation Sunday and New Year's eve. It's why everyone comes out for this, watching the Reverend get rat-faced is the highlight of the year."

Crossing the road to the Henry IV Pub Two Clive saw a squirrel rushing across the beer garden.

"Look," he said. "A squirrel."

"Let us praise god," said the Reverend, "For the squizzers, the squizzles, shurrs, scribbles, squabbles, anyway He made them all and this is the day where we thank him by going out and getting pissed."

The crowd pressed into the pub for the next round of drinks. However, halfway through downing his pint in the Hal IV the Reverend suddenly collapsed to the floor.

"He's passed out," said Eric. "What shall we do?"

"We'd better carry him to the Sausage Dog and Pirate's Hat," said Clive. "The parish may be cursed if we don't complete the procession."

Eric, Clive and a number of other parishioners grabbed the Reverend Stevens and carried him to the Sausage Dog and Pirate's hat, where they slapped him awake.

"Reverend," said Clive. "You have to do another prayer. We're at the Sausage Dog."

"Euurrrgggghh," said the Reverend, throwing up on the side of the pub.

"I think the vicar is demonstrating the circle of life," said Eric. "What we imbibe do we not regurgitate, just as in live are we not ever in the presence of death."

"Let's prop the Reverend on the bench and get the final round," said Clive. It's what the Reverend would have wanted."