The Engineers

Jacks is the only guy I know of who hit a lecturer. Jacks is a big strong man they had an argument he punched the guy in the face with the fist. Look it's understandable it was a chemistry lecturer. Of course he was expelled he went elsewhere completing his studies.

He had this idea for a “nuclear battery” I just thought it was nonsense but it wasn't. All that I knew of were large industrial fission reactors with enriched uranium so I didn't bother. Told me later it worked, and proudly powering an electric globe for decades at a science institute and indefinitely but apparently it wasn't feasible for commercial use.

I knew him through a great friend Tootah another engineering student. Much later on I went to work for them I was the only person I know of with job title “Mathematician” they had high expectations.

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So I was given the task of developing algorithms for fitting functions to data with errors in variables “Orthogonal Distance Regression”. Tootah had a program from the internet it was pages and pages Fortran so you can imagine what a mess that is but he insisted. This is in fact simply not possible it boils down to non-linear regression with hundreds of variables it is ridiculous. Ja well I was probably a disappointment but they were worse they got us all dot bombed.

Tootah was my supervisor he wanted to re-do the ASME steam tables implementing this “tool” of his and had a pet project too a design for HiFi speakers like those old gramophone trumpet horns there was some reasoning behind that. Tootah had a lot of experience on steam turbines he understood those steam tables well he had hoped for considerate improvement.

Altogether this regression is a very ambitious undertaking. Clearly he wouldn't listen to reason so I just played along. For me this all was not a waste of time I learnt a great deal from the the exercise about statistical methods and non-linear regression supposedly meant for the tool for errors in variables curve fitting and my report was not without merit but as far as non-linear regression goes the whole effort was ridiculous. A very ambitious undertaking doomed to say the least.

To be fair I should say the engineer Tootah is the hardest working man I've worked with he is tireless he's a machine.

Also they wanted to write programs for generating very large prime numbers these are used for security and for privacy in computer communication. As well as algorithms for routing and scheduling problems as for instance “the travelling salesman” and more mundane applications as in setting timetables. They had a finger in every pie. There is a lot of money in all this. BIG BUCKS.

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The road to hell is paved with hidden assumptions. Jacks had some slogans like “avoid the f-k-p” and, “assumptions are the mother of all f-k-ps”.

Their plan was to build the Titanic (identical replica) to launch on her maiden voyage 1 January 2000. This to be done now in three months with nothing but plans, the original blueprints from Ireland. Can you imagine to actually convince everyone, the banks, shareholders and staff I mean you are talking of genius. I've been wondering all along I think they actually wanted to start a new independent stock exchange and that was ambitious enough. As for the ship they wanted to use the Radon (Houch) transform to read the plans that were to be implemented. Yes this can be done but not in an evening.

Jacks now had a formal full suit with tie and a golden pocket watch on the chain, a brand new big luxury motor car quiet like an aeroplane inside. All the way. Also he had scars he said it was operations he said he had cancer. Later on when things went wrong badly he had a personal bodyguard this wasn't a joke.

Meanwhile Tootah bought a brand new sports-car and a small mansion while they paid their “mathematician” less than the secretaries.

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They had a really big project some time ago middle 90s it had been a concept used in very large trucks. Everyone now uses the idea, the cargo hold is in a V-form for distributing the weight better making the hold much stronger. It was a great success and you see these trucks commonly and on all our roads now. Perhaps they got the idea from certain military armoured vehicles built here for the bush war designed for withstanding landmine explosions. I believe they made a lot of money with this truck story.

Then the newest project in 2000, was a “gearbox” with a smooth clutch it means you can keep your engine on optimum torque, a very simple concept it was a South African patent it worked with a chain instead of gears. It would be very desirable and especially on big diesel truck engines. These people approached us they wanted us to model this clutch it looks great on paper but with an obvious weakness there was inherently a very serious problem with vibration.

Then with all the chaos money and other problems and struggle to survive we parted. Since then I completed a doctorate and for some years had a permanent teaching position at Wits university. The last was early 2000 I haven't seen these engineers in a long time.

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Jacks is a very, very enterprising man, he thinks BIG. Seeing them once before, some years visiting me I joked I was manic he said no he is permanently manic. Thought this was funny, till I worked with him. A man of incredible energy and focus and intelligence but impulsive and a bit reckless. He had a good wife she stood by him and clever too, an auditor. I hope they are still together. As far as I know they didn't have children.

Really I would like a lot to see them again but no engineering Thank-you.