Cosmology and Codswallop

Being a writer of whimsical trivia, I don't have to worry too much about rigorous scientific methodology. That's the thing which has solved all our problems, of course (sic). So, I can waffle about cosmology with impunity....

Early ideas about the cosmos may have taken the form of staring at the night sky, saying 'ugh' and chipping a few cave paintings of stars. Later versions became much more sophisticated with, for example, a Hindu figure of eight conception of reincarnation. Modern astrophysical approaches are fashioned around the 'big bang' theory of cosmic expansion, while quantum mechanics now suggests the existence of multiple realities beyond everyday perception.

My own theory is this. 

All of us are metaphorically trapped in an old music hall, with a stand-up comedian on the stage. He is dressed in a large checked suit and is wearing a trilby hat with a colourful flower stuck in it. He resembles an off duty circus clown churning out a series of tasteless old-fashioned jokes. The audience is initially engrossed, but then gets restless and wants to leave. 

Although the exits are open, people are amazed to find that the doors have simply led them back in again. The comedian has disappeared, however, and a man who looks uncannily like Alfred Hitchcock stands on the darkened stage.

"Welcome back" he says.