2084-D

Karl felt compelled to leave the spaceplane and go down to where the flying saucer had landed. It was a very strange feeling. None of the other astronauts felt that way. They were all quite interested in the appearance of the UAP but felt safer looking at it through the window. Karl was the only one who donned spacesuit and went to take a closer look. A creature with a huge silver bald patch on its head and big almond eyes came out to greet him.
"Hello. I am Mala. I want to speak to your most senior scientist and engineer, the one in charge of the project," said the creature.
"Greetings Earth Man, take me to your leader," replied Karl. "That's what they always say in the films. Do you really say that?"
"Are you the leader?"
"I spent 17 years working on the moon and I briefly worked on the Chinese and Russian space station before the war. I'm the instructor to the junior technicians. Yes. I'm the leader."
"You sound like the person we need. What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you have landed at the north pole? Huge ice craters up there. Better than scratching around for water in the soil."
"It's too cold at the north pole and it's dark most of the time. The solar panels wouldn't work."
"Solar panels? Haven't you ever heard of zero point energy?"
"I had a book about it once," said Karl. "Energy that is all around you, like radio waves, and you can tune into it. I'm an engineer. I can tell you which people in that book are crackpots and which ones might know what they're talking about. If it takes a reasonable amount of effort to do the experiment, and it isn't just an ordinary method of electrolysis or an ordinary way of storing energy as compressed air, they might be onto something."
"Zero point energy holds the universe together. It's stronger than people think. It's not difficult to tap into. Think of all the complexity of a nuclear power station. No more complex than that. Expensive, yes, but no more expensive than a solar panel. And solar panels only work when it's light. We will show you how to make zero point energy machines that cost a few thousand pounds and generate free electricity."
"But it's so cold at the north pole, wouldn't you just freeze to death?"
"We will teach you advanced thermal insulation of the kind that we use. Imagine if you had a hundred layers of foil insulation that were only 1mm apart and then you sucked the air out?"
"It would be like a vacuum flask," said Karl. "A vacuum flask with a hundred layers. That should keep the heat in when the outside temperature is only a few degrees above absolute zero. It wouldn't even feel cold."
"You must come with us. My spacecraft is full of creatures from several different planets. Do not be alarmed."
"I won't be afraid of you. You're not monsters." Karl walked up a steel ramp past the alien and into the ship. "Oooh! I see what you mean."

"We will take you for a grand tour of Mars," said Mala. Karl sat down.
"This is your captain speaking. Fasten your safety belts," said an octopus with a purple head. They all fastened straps around their waists that were like children's car seat belts. The ship took off with considerable forces of acceleration, up and then right, left and then down. And there were the pyramids.
"Do the pyramids on Mars exist?" asked Karl.
"Have you heard of them?" asked the captain.
"I've seen the photographs on the UAP websites. What are the pyramids for?"
"Municipal buildings," said Mala. "A pyramid's a bit difficult to make. It's made to be something very important. Headquarters of an alien organisation, something like that."
"What's this one for then?"
"The United Federation of Planets," said a creature who looked like a man with the sun shining out of his face. "I'm Sunny, from Zeta Reticuli."
"And I'm Suki from Uranus," said the captain.
"But there isn't any life on Uranus."
"Of course there is. I'm an intelligent octopus descended from the fish that live in the ocean under the ice on Uranus. Where there's water, there's life. Now we've got somebody from a new planet, we'll have to take them to the United Federation of Planets to be registered."
"Have you got someone from a new planet?"
"Yes Karl," said Sunny. "It's you." The spacecraft landed. The doors slid open. Suki and Mala led Karl into the pymarid. They were met by a man with compound eyes like a fly who was sitting behind a desk.
"I'm Commander Nautilus from Sirius D. And you are?"
"Karl Kennedy. NASA. Earth." Commander Nautilus handed Karl a computer tablet that was about the size of a 2020s mobile phone.
"I'd like you to complete the questionnaire." Karl spent 5 minutes answering the questions on the screen and handed the tablet back.
"Congratulations," said Commander Nautilus. "Earth just became a member of the United Federation of Planets."
"But we didn't ask the president of the United States. We didn't have a referendum."
"Oh Karl," said Mala. "How little you know about our way of life."
"Democracy causes arguments," said Suki. "Dictators are so much better at getting things done."
"On my planet," said Nautilus, "people do what they're told or we swat them with the proverbial slipper." They all burst out laughing.

They returned to the spacecraft.
"Fasten your seatbelts," said Suki. "Next stop, Stonehenge." The spacecraft accelerated at great speed and the sky above them went dark. They were on the dark side of Mars, or at least part of Mars where it was night at that moment. They left the ship and walked the several miles under the stars. The stars were wonderfully bright. Karl had never seen the stars that bright before. Then they arrived at a structure that looked like Stonehenge.
"Is this the same as Stonehenge in England?"
"Absolutely the same," said Mala.
"What is it for?"
"Karl, if you stand out under the stars," said Suki, "these stones help you understand which stars are which and when they will rise or set."
"But surely it's easier to do all of that with a piece of software on your handheld."
"Amateur astronomers," said Mala, "like to do things the old fashioned way. It's more fun."
"It's lunchtime," said Suki. "Time to return to base." The spacecraft flew at high speed for several minutes and then descended into an icy crater, going through the ice at such high speed that Karl screamed, thinking they would all be killed.
"How do you manage to do that?"
"We dematerialise to do things like that," said Suki. "People outside can see the spacecraft, and we can see through the windows but we're not really there. The spacecraft is like a ghost."
"That doesn't make sense."
"Don't expect it to. We've landed at North Pole base. That's what really matters." They got out of the ship and walked around a huge space station. They could see fish out of the windows. They didn't have eyes or gills. They were unlike anything Karl had seen before.
"Are there fish on Mars?" asked Karl.
"There are fish in lots of places," said Suki. "Where there's water there's life."
"But it's so cold here. How could there be liquid water?"
"We're 5 miles down. The water warms up a bit when you get to that kind of depth. It's also under intense pressure, so it doesn't freeze. It's still about -50C out there." They sat down at a big dinner table. Plates were laid out on the table that were full of leafy vegetables and cold fish. Karl didn't usually eat that sort of thing but the meal was delicious.

After lunch, the spacecraft returned Karl to the original Earth base on Mars. Karl came through the door looking really excited.
"What a fantastic day I've had. The aliens took me on a grand tour of Mars. I saw the pyramids, I saw Stonehenge and then I went down to the alien's base which is at the bottom of an ice crater and the fish were like nothing I've ever seen before."
"The fish?" asked Leon McKay, who was the doctor.
"Yes, they had no eyes and no gills. Evolving on a place like Mars. Fish on Earth can't extract oxygen from a water molecule. Their gills filter oxygen that's dissolved from the air into the water. But these fish don't have gills."
"Karl," said Simon. "You're talking as if you spent half a day with the aliens. You were only gone for a few minutes."
"No, I was away for a few hours, I spent nearly a whole day with the aliens."
"We saw you get into the spacecraft and we saw it take off but it was only gone for a few minutes. It came straight back again."
"And we have all joined the United Federation of Planets."
"I want a sample of your blood," said Leon. "Then I'm going to give you some tranquillisers."
"You must think I'm insane."
"Absolutely barking clinically psychotic. I've seen psychosis before but never at such an advanced stage. You'll stay in your room for 10 days while I keep you under observation."

The next day Dr Leon went outside with Paris, who was carrying a bag full of microphones, stands and a camera, for a drive in the Mars buggy.
"Let's do some work," said Paris. "The Mars program is paid for by the copyright on the television programmes. We've got to earn our fees. Let's find something to film." An alien with a silver bald head and big almond eyes was bent over the Mars buggy as if trying to repair it.
"Hello," said the alien. "Just installing a zero point energy machine so you don't have to rely on that ridiculous battery. It'll drive around all day now and never run out."
"Do you know where to connect it?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, I think I should. I've been working on the various NASA Mars rovers for the last 65 years. The aliens keep repairing them. That's how they last so long. Only a simple zero point energy device, only produces about 7 kilowatts, but it'll probably be enough to power a buggy."
"That's useful," said Paris. "I'm the TV reporter. I've got to find some really interesting things to film."
"Young lady, come with me and I will show you some fantastic things to film. I'll take you to Stonehenge, I'll take you to the pyramids, I'll take you to our under water alien base." Paris and the alien drove off together in the buggy. The doctor hurried back into Earth base and went to Karl's bedroom.
"Karl, all the tests have come back fine. There's nothing seriously wrong with you. You are perfectly all right."
"I saw you talking to one of the aliens," said Karl.
"Yes. He told me he was taking Paris to see the same things so that she could make a TV documentary. You're not insane. I'm sorry."

Chris arrived at work on Monday morning. There was a sense of excitement. That was unusual at NASA. The job had become very mundane and very automated.
"We really did find aliens on Mars," said Magnus, with a look on his face like a hungry cat that had just seen a huge piece of freshly cooked chicken.
"Did you see that documentary Paris Cooper posted on the NASA website?" asked Robert. Chris looked terrified.
"We shouldn't have gone there," said Chris.
"Chris, why are you always so cynical?" asked Magnus.
"They are not the benevolent beings that they claim to be."
"Oh, come on, you think it's a free sci-fi channel," said Gary. "You think they're evil aliens who are going to destroy the world. Well, that was 100 years ago, in black and white, and that was fiction. We know better now. We know that they're there to help us."
"I had a dream where I saw this angel," said Chris. "The aliens have come to save the world but many people will wish that they hadn't. It will not be a free world anymore."

A purple headed octopus was being interviewed on UK News.
"We're building a city on Mars," it said. "We're building it underground to protect people from the radiation. NASA are going to be sending more people to Mars. They're going to be sending a space ship every day."
"How could they possibly afford to send a spaceship every day?"
"They're charging $10 billion for a ticket."
"No one can afford to pay $10 billion."
"There are 10 billion humans in the world. Take the wealthiest 1 per cent and thats 100 million. Plenty of people have got billions of dollars. There is a very long queue of people who are willing to pay $10 billion dollars for a one way ticket to emigrate to Mars. Over the next five years we can send a few thousand. The new hydrogen fusion spaceship can carry 12 people. They should be there in 6 months."
"The new free electricity machines are good," said the interviewer. "No more power cuts. Rolls Royce have built a huge freight helicopter that takes up a whole runway when it lands at a quiet regional airport like Newcastle or Sheffield, and then the lorries come to collect the goods. It can get to China in 2 days. Why don't you show them how to make a flying saucer and then they can get there in a couple of minutes?"
"We don't want the oil companies to go out of business. You have enough oil for all the jet aircraft in the world and enough natural gas for all the world's chemical factories. I suggest that you use it for those. The technology will be revealed at a speed that will help the economy. The free electricity machine had become an economic necessity." The interviewer was furious. He leapt off his chair.
"We are facing an environmental crisis right now! Don't you care about the environment?"
"Our policy on the environment is to lower the population to 3 billion."
"How, by fighting a terrible war?"
"This isn't a sci-fi movie. We will lower the population to a 1950s level by scientific use of contraception and a one child policy."
"If two thirds of the population are over 70, who will do all the work?"
"You allow retirement for no medical reason. People should have to have a medical before they can claim a pension. You give them 20 years of pension and off they go on a cruise to see the whole world. That doesn't help the environment."
"Who would look after the old?"
"Haven't you ever heard of euthanasia?"