Velvet Colours

By aardvark1500

Wed, 26 Nov 2008
  • 860 reads
2 comments
 

Velvet colours on battlements tall,
Proclaiming the Lord's power on all,
From high up in the wealthy keep,
Down to the dark dungeons deep,
For the infirm, they will never know,
The secret to why so many go,
And never return from dark lands afar,
Other than in emotional scar,

And time does pass,
And fear does grow,
But locked inside,
The tears can't flow,

Only those who leave know the power,
Hidden in the churches tower,
For ring of bell, and all appear,
Not knowing that their end is near,
The Lord commands, and they advance,
Not fighting with a sword or lance,
But locked in combat with their heart,
So much so they never start,

But time can't pass,
But fear can't grow,
For locked inside,
The tears won't flow,

And so they stay in battlefield,
Conserve their strength and never wield,
So emerges from the mental healing,
Velvet colours, ever sealing.

Certificate U
Poem
Historical Poems
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by blackjack-davey on
Meaning's a bit elusive here, Aardvark. Is it a religious allegory with the castle being the Kingdom of God? It's medieval in flavour. I'm getting whiffs of Jimi Hendrix's Axis Bold As Love and Spanish Castle Magic. The danger is when meaning is obscured by the necessity to rhyme: How do people return from lands afar in 'emotional scar?' Why are the velvet colours 'ever sealing?' In the last stanza do you mean 'yield' rather than 'wield?'

 

Submitted by aardvark1500 on
Its great to have some constructive critisism. Yes it is a religious allegory, and yes it is supposed to have a medevial flavour, I can see why perhaps the necessity to rhyme could be getting in the way, but i think i will persist, and I may post an edited version. Thanks for the feedback, Aard P.S. Hedrix is great!