Character

It has taken me a long time to get this right, perhaps even, not until this moment. I have been a coward ever since I decided that it was too hard, too painful; this death, this loss, this grief, this heartache,that my best was not enough.

I just did not want to take it anymore, so I let go.

I went to the wind as they say and I think I still have a ways to return.

My spirit remembers those journeys though, when I was shielded fromthe worst of the storms. By running away I let that light in me fade and the grey that was left was like blind oblivion. There was no up nor down, no right nor wrong because I had no foundation.

I feel now that I cheated all the ones that I loved by cheapening my soul.

I should have strengthened my love, when you were weak.

I should have been the glue and not part of the broken heap.

I should have stood up so that you never sank low, to pick me up when I should have been the one grown.

I should have been me and allowed you to be you.

I should have believed it too.

I should have known when to give up so that I could start anew, not taken away what was given to you.

I should have remembered when you forgot.

I believe in the best of all of you, I acknowledge the worst. The only lights in my time of darkness were the loves that brought me safely home.

I stand behind all my love. My love is not for nought.

All those ballads and cliff notes and accidental odes brought me to the rhapsody of my heart.  

The unrelenting never yielding of you, those forever types and the troublesome ones too, you are my chosen family, old and new. I stand behind you because that is what loved ones do and after all, I do love
you.

This love will hurt when you depart and it will itch where I cannot scratch but I will find you in my memories sparkling, always shining.

 I kept the light, I got it right, I loved you despite…

I stood firm behind my love.