Discovering Rodney

So this is it, the new frontier. The reason why I held onto this choice for dear life, like I now come to hold onto your fingers, clasping them in mine. Though I hate the way you manage to simply make my day, unravel me with the thought that I am the only one that you want now. It's distracting. It makes me want to think better of you, it makes me want to not get annoyed when you imply that you love me. I hate the way it sounds, so natural and becoming. Like its the way we were meant to end all our sentences as we say our goodbyes.

I know you think that I think that I am better than you, but I know better. I hate that fact that the more time wanes down and I am in your arms I forget the reason why you think so and just want you around. I admit nowadays that I would rather you were dead than with someone else, but still I could easily live without you, I have done it before. I could easily lie with someone else who will hold me as I fall asleep. Someone for whom I would forsake sleep for just to have an hour before I have to go. Someone that will iron my shirt because I am running late for work and its partly his fault. Someone who will even do a polish job on my shoes.

I take it for granted that you help me put my clothes on when I am about to leave. And how every word you whisper is sweet and I want to believe that you mean what you say.I have heard it all before and I know that just as easily as it appears it can easily go away. Still I cannot help myself but to want to fall into you. I cannot help but to want to miss you in the early waking moments of the day and to have you there as I border on the edges of sleep.