The makings of a love letter

I have lived long enough to know that I can live very well past any pain or consequence of anyone leaving me. I have come to know enough of pain to be able to say that heartbreak might kill some, but it only left me wounded and to some extent crippled, which when you think about it might be worse. I do not respond well to threats of a repeat infliction of the same pain, who would?

I know enough of this life to know that though it is completely possible to fall in love alone, it is not altogether pleasant.

So I trust in the opinion that I am about to give on the subject as a well versed individual in the matters that concern my own heart.

I have not come to describe you with words that are befitting the title of GOD. You are not omnipresent, nor are you always on my mind. You are not indescribable and that in fact if I tried I could find words to match your face, your voice though I would have a little trouble finding the right words to describe how it makes me feel when you smile for whatever reason, I will find one for that too.

I now know the difference between being love and being an object of love. You are unequivocally the latter. You exist independently outside of me and I want to of my own will and volition bestow upon you, happiness, joy, contentment, companionship and all manner of other nice sentiments, until such time as you no longer require it. I am driven by your assent to my gifts.

There is no abstractness, no ambiguity, no greyness, and nothing lingering in fringes of thought. I don’t miss the misplaced allure of mystery that accompanies all such things. It is you and I, in this one relationship, together.

I am learning everyday how to look at you better. Everyday I discover something about me and something about you and it makes me want to stick around and see what else I could possibly find. I want to make you the happiest, most content, most joyful you that I can possibly make you. So everyday is new and special and everyday I like you more and I like myself more for liking you. The best thing that you can have in the world is someone that you consider worthy to receive the best that you can do.

Belonging to you makes me feel like I have been allocated a job that I love so much and one that I am more than willing to learn and improve at. I have to learn how to curb all my evil intentions, choose my words for the things that I mean to say. It is like learning to speak in a language that mirrors the honesty of my heart. It requires discipline and an unfailing resolution to my goals.

It isn’t effortless. I would not want it to be. I like using my brain.

It isn’t going to always be easy as life gets more complicated. I might not always want to be here…you might not always want to be here.

The true test is that when you are gone I will be no less the person I was before. I will be more, better and won’t regret a second of the time and effort that I spent learning to love someone other than myself. I appreciate you so much already, you mean more and more to me everyday. I even love the fact that I have a physical reaction to your touch, that being near you gives me a feeling like no other and it makes me feel like I always want to be near you.

All this doesn’t derogate from the fact that should you die or simply decide to no longer want me in your life, (if I am still alive myself) I will survive you. Nothing you can do after this (short of choking me) will make me miss one single breath. My earnest wish not breathe any longer(should I harbour such a wish) will be equally futile. The sun will rise and set and the world will move on.

So lets make the most of the time that we are together, right now…