Procrastination 101

This as good a time as any to start, a blue sky winter moon day. Me in my office dreaming of broadband and cookies, getting hungrier by the minute, Lazier by the second, doing everything possible to not spend time on the one thing that I should be spending time on.

I prayed about it once, a hundred times, that my fingers would reach out for meaning and grab onto that pile of files, organize and start, but my feelings get in the way. I start thinking of Clifford with his sunbeam crown, then I stare at the clouds outside my kaleidoscope window and count the colors out loud.

The trees sway in the gentle breeze and I wonder what type of green they are, I wonder what type of writer I am, why I haven't written a single thing worth writing in years. Why Rodney hasn't called me back, it's been three hours and my heart has been marinating on the sound of his voice.
Love.
Such a dangerous preoccupation.

Everything seems more important than that urgent file that is my bread and my butter. The hunger once again takes over. I know I should pick up my diary before noon and peek...something in the back of my mind disturbs me, something urgent creeps.

I wish I could write, write myself out of this whole scene. Paint over the blue skyed Friday and go parachuting instead or do that other thing that scares me...like fail at the one thing that I ought to be doing.

Rent will soon be due and I'll think about this day and ponder this moment. Future thought is such a fickle thing and pointless too when you think about it. And yet here I am thinking that I should work...and not working.

The day is really beautiful and I wish I could enjoy it, if only I could stop myself from being myself for one moment and not waste all this time, wasting time...I might get to enjoy it.

I suppose now is as good a time as any...to start.