Sweet nothing

I didn't want it to be something that I would have to talk about. I wanted to hold onto to it as if that night never ended; I wanted to not explain any need that I might have had to reach out, any need that I might have to do so now. I wanted to not fully realize just what this non entity was, I wanted to not have to sit around and figure it out. I didn't want to have one sided conversations with everyone but you didn't want to admit that it was you that I'd rather have spoken to. I didn't want to have this weight on my chest examined for all its fatalities. I didn't want to, sit here and listen to a song that reminds me of all I want to do.

I didn’t want it to be something I would have to talk about. I wanted to hold onto it as if that night never ended, and was not supplemented by these poisonous thoughts of beginnings and endings. Ours was the realm of the night and endless possibility, carefree and boundless for a time. I didn’t want to ask if you understood, didn’t want to know anything apart from the fact that you had wanted it too. I didn’t want to have to justify to the world that it was right; this wrong, couldn't utter that all else in the face of it shouldn't have mattered. So are the crimes of the heart, making monsters of out words and demonizing kisses.

Now I can't look at you and not wonder if right is wrong. I can't look at you and not resent the world for keeping me from you, for making me battle past all the moral dilemmas and forcefully climb upon a high horse when it’s by your side on the ground where I would rather be.
This undefined being has become less of a non entity and more and more it grows fed by feelings that someone else had.

It had nothing to do with us and here it is explained, when all I wanted was for it not to be something to talk about, just a night to hold onto as if it never ended, ending it right here at this full stop.

But I have gone and declared myself when I ordinarily wouldn't have. I have created a need where there was none and with careful consideration I have had to look at you and ask questions, turning taboo of everything that was but a sweet nothing.