A tale for the unrequieted

My heart betrays me every time, always wanting more than what is offered to me. I am never able to see reason because of this, my desease. You speak simply and I weave undertones. A monster lies in wait verbally altering all your words in my mind. A grand illusionist this ticker, it makes me see the sun in a flicker.

I have learnt not to wake it too often around you, pulling myself away from all that's warm and fuzzy. I turned the rain into steel and the dew drops into traslucent pearls. All the beauty remains but it is inanimate.

How do I stop myself from smiling that same smile. How do I stop myself from wishing I could hold your hand in mine. I scarce remember any bad times...all is overshadowed by this picture that is etched on all the walls of my heart. Here even the air smells of you. Even after I banned you.

It was almost as if in revolt my body and mind fought against me. Everything to give me away. I had to finally lock myself away from you simply because I could not understand...that I could not have you.

And now after all this time apart, you tell me you are leaving and my heart starts. You state in plain black print of a farewell gathering. I only see a private invitation. I see me standing there as your guest and all else becomes irrelevant. I say I love you in a near whisper.

You love me too I know, in an "I will miss you" kind of way. You say it like you mean it...you say it like me. So I suppose it was a "goodbye I love you" after all. You only ever have to say it once. And that is all I get...so I wait for that other meaning.

The monster sleeps soundly, my heart beats steadily. It's okay to breathe again.The etchings remain but only because it is what I have chosen to keep of you. It was always okay to love you, just not when it was killing me inside.