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Self medicating on misery was an art I practised religiously.I burdened my mind with untold truths and refined lies whilst laying with my new found dieties.

My heart's one singular thought, my bliss, the grey of the clouds that reigned in the nirvana of my depression centered existence.
Thus I walked the world full of the smell of them that held me chained to the shame of my nakedness.

I thanked them for the pain that I bore, praised them for their enslavement. I prayed that it never ended or ended thus; me laying dead in any of their arms for bereavement.

The blackness grew deep and thick, it defined itself around the edges of all my thoughts.
I came to believe that there was no more here than this. That no more of me needed anyone else and even as they faded away from my sight they yet remained permanently engraved in my heart.

But then a final fall came and once there was nothing beyond it, something that had been intermingling with the darkness and the light burned down meteoric.

The moonlight no loger held any satisfaction, my turbulent oceans calmed in the face of it and miraculously I no longer yearned for your empty kiss.When I was beyond any help, I decided to love myself.

I now lie with humility and demand to be held and if ever I were to be caged again, that the bars open at the whisper of my name.