ALDILÀ

1.

I wouldn't say I'm looking into the void,
more like it's on the t.v. while I'm on the sofa
updating Twitter, saying that I'm in tonight,
watching the void. The void is bad
comedy. Its jokes are stale, outdated.
It's easy to ignore, but it's still there.

2.

The void has joined me
for a drink with some mates
and sits there looking at it's pint
for the whole night. It sucks
the atmosphere out of the room.
I leave early, embarrassed
that I brought the void out with me.

3.

The void tries teaching me to skateboard.
I think it's confused 31 for 13.
My body isn't what it used to be
and the void is getting frustrated.
Afterwards, I have a milkshake.
"I don't understand you," the void says
in between sips of energy drink.

4.

"You were fun before you died."
"Yeah, I've had that a lot recently."

We're all at the fair. I'm the one
looking after peoples bags while they go on rides.
They seem to have forgotten that
I never liked rides in the first place.

While they're all on the Rotor,
the void wins a goldfish at the hook-a-duck stall
and promptly downs it in one.

5.

It's Christmas time, and the void
has taken me to see a pantomime.
It's getting really into it, and doesn't
understand why I don't seem to be enjoying myself.
For the next few days, whenever I lose
something, it's because the void has hidden it
somewhere behind me, so that when I ask where it is,
the void can say, "It's behind you!"
The void is becoming rather tedious.

6.

Why is it snowing in Burnley
in August? I'm on a bus.
The void is tapping my temples
and singing Johnny Cash songs
at me. I'm looking out the window,
watching a couple kissing,
and missing my girlfriend.

interlude

When I was alive, I was in love. We bonded over comedy, courted on wine, lived on sex. We kissed in public. We were the most unsubtle couple you ever met. Our jilted admirers didn't know how to handle us.
Time worked against us. Too slow when apart, too quick when together, but boy, when we were together, we were explosive. We were the cheesiest fiction, the funniest humourists, the classiest pornography.
We felt each others heartbeats, mocked each other gently. We would lie together and not care how sweaty we got.
When we were together, everything felt just perfect...

7.

In the library,
the void is showing me
photographs of redheads
with their breasts out.
This is annoying,
it's supposed to be going over
a draft of my latest poem.

8.

At an open mic night the void is reciting
my latest review. The writer hated me.
The audience finds this hilarious. I go
to the bar, get a large whisky. I can hear
the void getting the biggest applause of the night.

"Wouldn't like to be the guy that's about,"
I hear someone say. I down my whisky
too enthusiastically, and fall off my stool.

9.

The void has tied me to a chair
and is force feeding me pork pies.
"We need to fatten you up,
you're becoming invisible!"
It's true that I've been off my food
since I died. "Remember,
you have an image to maintain!," it says,
stuffing a handful of cheese in my mouth.

10.

I ask the void if its ever been to America.
It hasn't but has watched lots of American films.
"I especially like that Christian Bale guy.
You get the feeling he's genuinely unhinged,
a real American Psycho." The void laughs at its joke,
until I point out that Christian Bale is actually Welsh.
The void starts crying and I feel pretty smug
to have finally got one up on it.