anchored

tw: suicidal moods.

i would like
to kill myself.
i would like to
drill myself into
the ground. i would
like to see every ounce
of my blood drain into the river
and i would like to witness how
flowers grow with the wetting of
bloody h2o.

this isn't me being
unreasonable, or insane.
this is me being completely
honest. i think all of this is
in vain. i'm tired of living, because
more often than not, i am sad. and when
i am glad, it will still deteriorate back
into being sad. i can't get away from it. and
my fear is a spear that is persistent - so if
i were to be a big, brave bear, you'd soon see
that i would go back into being a puny, putrid pear.

it isn't worth it. you will try to
say that this is "just a bad day,"
but it was in fact a good day. and
i was happy earlier, it's true - only
here it is, as i said just before, right
to you: i was happy, and now i'm sad, and
while it's great to have happy moments, an
anchor cannot be released by a few laughs.