CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN

Oh I have so many mountains to climb, just to get to where I need to be in my life!

Everything seems uphill at this point, and I know there are many unknown paths to negotiate, routes that twist and hairpin turn so my breath will be taken away as I round those precarious bends. I can look up at the mountain peaks, so distant and often well hidden behind high clouds, invisible to the naked eye as I am so far below. But I know they are there and it is in their general direction that I have to fumble towards. I may not know how to approach until I take that first timid step.

I can look down after a while of huffing and puffing upwards, and scare myself stupid looking down at the abyss far below, a fear of heights suddenly threaten to seize me. I could doubt myself, my strength and stamina, my destination and destiny. I could become discouraged and feel alone as I blindly grope along this strange journey.

It is then that I need to remember: I've jumped out of a small airplane at 13,000 feet, and fallen out of the sky like a small rock, head first. And survived. No, more than that: I've thrilled to the challenge and overcome any hesitation or fearfulness. I am a Sky Eater and did not tumble down willy nilly, but danced my way down: floating like a thistle, a pink twirling aerial ballerina, and landed on my own two feet (with a little help from my tandem instructor) and glowed with life and laughter at that experience. So. What's a mere mountain after I've hurtled at 180 miles per hour for the first 8000 feet?

And I have to remember: I'm made of stern stuff. I've survived so much human pain. Seen death, terminal sickness, separation, abandonment and loneliness. Known the searing pain of all that suffering. I've sat with dying friends; abided with the sick and elderly beloved; I've held strangers who were broken, drunk, drug infested, insane, ruinous and oppressed by spirits. I've looked Death in the face and out eyeballed it. I've once lost everything that I've ever thought was constant, true, indestructible and enduring. And looked as well as lived beyond those losses to regain myself - found a steely inner core within myself with which to cope, and to support others through their life's tragedies. Yet I've found through that a humility when regarding my own worth. So. What am I afraid of? What's an unknown mountain top? My whole life is now an unknown waiting to be discovered - a precious gift to unpack and peel back, tissue paper layer by tissue paper layer.

All I need, is my focus upwards, and buckets of patience. I can climb this new mountain ahead of me. One baby step at a time if need be, although I'd rather run at breakneck speed, uphill if I must, and gobble up new adventures everyday for breakfast! I have strength in my dancer's limbs. I have brains in my yet-to-be addled mind. I have stupid courage, and nonchalance when it comes to what others may think, especially if they try to contain me in a box named Conventionality. And I have a huge, frangible heart of love - for life, for people whose paths cross mine.

But above all, I will climb this mountain, because I will climb it with you. Because where the summit resides and beyond, is life with you. I don't want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. And it will be from there that you and I will survey all the world below, where the air is thin so we gasp our delight, through the cloud layers which float by in ephemeral wisps, with the thermals of the eagles softly kissing our cheeks as we stand hand in hand, poised at the cliff edge of this one, precious life.

I cannot wait for the ascent with you.