A Minor Adjustment

So, like Garbo
you want to be alone
Go back to the way you were
without attachment, with what you call
Freedom.
Despite the fact that we're irreversibly met

Even though our hands have held
our fingers intertwined
When you've looked at me
in a different way than before
looked deeper and seen the real me
And let me look at you
with my recognition of who you really are
You now know that I've always known you
and you let me look
and hold
and cherish

And suddenly
Stop
Go back
to nothing, to how it was
Did you really think that was possible?

What's this sudden frost that chilled you?
Something I said, something I'd done?
A look I had, a mood I fell into?
Suddenly your gates fell
your ramp pulled up
your door bolted
I looked into your eyes
another you looked back:
cooler
stranger
further

You know, alone is not free
Without, when you've been with
doesn't bring freedom
only hunger
a gnaw
a nag
How do you cope with that extra room
in your heart that you've made for me?
My space, within your space
where I fit and made you swell
now hollow chambers with shadows
of earlier laughter

When I've gone your heart will cave in
It could be years until you mend
if you ever do.
You never will.
You won't know why it is that
you are ill at ease
Why there are skipped beats,
a sudden gap, an inexplicable hiatus
You will sniff the air
wait for an answer to unasked questions
but you will not have that answer

So you will walk, incomplete
but not know it
You will wake, dreaming
but not remember
smelling a hint of what you used to know
and not know, till too late
that it has become part of you
You will walk and miss
the echo of my footfall
my shoulder to lean against
my hair across your face
You will eat alone.
Go to galleries alone.
Watch movies alone.
Spend long nights
alone.
And wonder to yourself one cold,
frosty morning: what you had done

What is this freedom
but emptiness
nothingness
It's meaningless
No matter how you fill your days
your minutes and hours
with things
stuff
routines
You will not find what you really want

But if you only paused, fluttered
your eyelashes against my cheek
inhaled deeply my scent
and let me mould into you
as you melt into me
a small swell will puff in your heart
and you will find that
I am not such an inconvenience
merely minor adjustment:
for you've only moved
an inch to the side
and in that small step
you've made room for me
next to you
so we can be
us