The Time Machine of Thorrocks Manor - 9

“Dame ’Ermion, I wish to talk viz you seriously for a moment.”
“Yes, my dear gel, of course.”
“And thank you, Dame ‘Ermion, for zer tiger skin. It is nice to be warm at least wizin zis skin and fur.”
“Goody. I’ve been some use at last. Now, tell me everything, dear lady.”
“Vell, I vish to talk viz you about my life a leedle bit.”
“Yes, of course, I’m all ears. Currently four of differing dimensions, I s’ppose you could say!!”
“Indeed, Dame ‘Ermion – zey are suiting you. So, after my muzzer and my papa passed away, I was walking along a country road and was abducted. I was then put in a packet to England.”
“Oh, you poor thing. How uncomfortable.”
“Yes, Madame, it was quite a rough crossing. I was zen taken to Mrs Froggarty’s ’And Parlour near Charing Cross. Zere I was put to work.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Was it quite repetitive work?”
“Yes, Madame, it was quite. I was an ’And maiden. I blush to speak of this to a lady such as you, Madame.”
“Ah, oh, I say. Oh I see. You poor young flower. Oh, the ways of things – it makes my heart bleed.”
“Yes, mine too, Madame. Anyway, Monsieur Garghoul come ... and zen ’ee say to me let us run away, sroo zis window and run into the night.”
“Sroo which window, poppet?”
“Zee window of zee ’And Parlour, Madame.”
“How very romantic – in a sort of a way – was it a ground floor window?”
“Yes, Madame.”
“Oh, how fortunate – so much easier as an escape route, I find.”
“Yes, Madame. Zo, Monsieur Garghoul and I run down zer street. It was moonlit and dark and vet on zer trottoir and, even now, I can hear Mrs Froggarty scream at us from ‘er window ‘Stop! Teef! Stop! Teef!’, like I was ‘er property.”
“Oh, my dear, what a tragic and moving story.”
“And so, we walk and talk a long way and come to ‘ere, to Plantation Villas. I ‘ave been ‘ere 2 days. It is a, quite a, crazy place and Monsieur Garghoul ‘ave the roving eye – zer wandering eye, you know what I mean.”
“Oh yes, I have met that sort – the worst was the Conte dell’Ochio Mobile. Oh, yes, it’s coming back to me. It was when I was sojourning in Monte Negro in a rather lovely pension, and discovered that on the floor below was the Conte dell’Ochio Mobile, the poor dear boy ...”
“Why so, Madame?”
“Well, you see, he was horribly in love with me. I never felt quite the same ardour as poor Conte.”
“Ah yes, Madame, of course, I was forgetting.”
“So, tell me is Ga-Ga well endowed.”
“’Ee is adequate for zer purpose, Madame.”
“Oh, really? How interesting.”
“But, sere is somesing else Madame, which I do not understand, Madame.”
“What is that my dear young lady?”
“Vell, I don’t understand but I am romantically and physically inclined to Monsieur Garghoul – ‘ow you say?, yes, attracted. Ven ‘ee is near me, I am vet. ... Zis is strange as ‘ee is quite, ‘ow you say, quite oogly and not, in some ways, a very taughtful man. It is as if I met ‘im in a previous life and zat zer feelings zat I’ad for ‘im zen, I ‘ave now and even more so. It is all quite discomfort.”
“And, what ho!, speak of the devil. Here is Ga-Ga. ... So, Ga-Ga, I have been hearing some various reports about you. All a bit up and down, if I may say so, Ga-Ga.”
“Ah, yes, Madam, ... ah I see, should I form into a crestfallen look and stand?”
“Yes, you should, you dretful man!”
“I have come to report to you both, ladies, that I have just received a call from the Constabulary on the withdrawing room telephone.”
“Oh, no!”
“Oh, non!”
“Oh, yes, they are coming here to the Villas in a few minutes as they have had reports that we are harbouring a missing person.”
“Which missing person, Ga-Ga?”
“A Miss Vu.”
“A Miss who?”
“A Miss Vu, Madames. A Miss Déjà Vu.”