Invisible man

Invisible Man's Longing

The people appear and retreat. Smoked cigarettes. In and out - can't
seem to keep track, me. It's as if my mind is drunk but my eyes are
acting straight. Then she comes in like a storm on the back of a
falling meteorite: unbelievable, but solid. Unbelievably solid. I want
to smack her to make sure but think maybe I shouldn't.
I smile instead and she looks right through it. I watch the look move
right through me like a thought. My smiles are ridiculous anyway, you
should see them, they sort of form in expectation of being seen through
with eyes avoiding and chin tucked in.

She's changed my life forever already, didn't even have time to buy her
a drink first. I am tempted now to say something about people being
like floodlights sometimes, pushing the boundaries of one's
perspective... but god, who wants to listen to me go on about that? Not
me, I can tell you. I have been thinking that kind of thing for so long
now that even I am sick to non-existence of it. Maybe - if she ever
spoke to me - that is what I would say. I'd say:  I am sick of
all the things I am going to say to you already.

You see, it's that I've lost the ability to have light fall in my
general direction. I call me the Invisible Man. Nobody else calls me
that cause they can't see, hear, or smell me to know. Well, they say
they can, but I don't believe it for a second, they are just filling in
gaps. Sometimes, though, I think people can feel me - I'm the 'extra'
person, the one you can't place when someone seems to be missing. I
take full responsibility for this state of being in the dark: I have
thought myself right out of existence. I'm what happens when you give
up, but I mean entirely give up on connecting with other matter. I am
turned inside out, facing inwards, inverted, invertebrate.

So this stormy piece of star falls in and, like I say, my life changes
because obviously now there is a new sensation here, a kind of
excruciating tug outwards on my eye-balls: I want to buy her a drink
and I can't. I Want to and I Can't. I want to. and that is NEW. N.E.W,
new. Ever had something new, and I mean genuine, never before, brand
spankin' - ever had something new happen to you? I say to you that it
is RARE. and you should take full advantage of it before it gets sucked
into the framework and stored. You should own that new thing no matter
what the cost to your mind body and soul. But who wants advice from an
invisible man, who does?

I am changed. I want to and I can't and it's too late. Ever been too
late?