CAT PATROL

You’d never know it if you saw my cats stretched out across the back of the sofa or lounging in the bay window soaking up the sun. You’d never know it to listen to them purr and sing. You’d never know it when they are cuddled down beside you or curled contentedly in your lap while you are watching TV or reading a good book. You’d never guess what they are really up to when they are snuggled in, one at the foot and one at the head of the bed at night like furry guardian angels but the cat patrol is always on duty, always on the alert. You might think they are lazy old house cats, just pets but you’d be wrong. They are much more than that.

They are attack cats, the cat patrol, guarding with a patience borne only by cats. They wait, they watch, they crouch, they pounce, they kill swiftly and surely and sometimes they devour. They are a SWAT team extraordinaire. They will swat at almost anything. Their mission, search and destroy all enemies. Their names are Tux and Callie. They are a team. Their headquarters are in my home of which they now have complete control. They give me orders and I obey, quite well most of the time.

Of course I do. I love my cats, I appreciate them. They keep me safe from outside intruders. They answer the door before I do and check out every visitor. They stand by when the phone rings just in case and have even been known to do a disconnect if they suspect I am being harassed by a telemarketer. If you think I hung up on you, blame it on the cat patrol and if you are a telemarketer, don’t call back. Friend or foe, they seem to know. If you are friend or family wait a few minutes and dial again or I’ll call you back. Tux and Callie will be off on their next rescue mission within a very short time. They seldom waste a minute or a motion. They watch my computer for any possible bugs or bugging and keep a close eye on the mouse. It is probably safe as long as it doesn’t jump off the screen where it belongs. It is just too small to worry about, not even snack size, not worth a nibble.

One or the other from the cat patrol occasionally type encrypted letters to; well I’m not sure, maybe the ASPCA or PETA or some secret government agency. Who knows? They aren’t talking except in their own secret code language of which I only understand a few words and phrases. It is probably just as well. It seems I am notified on a “need to know” basis only. They seldom explain anything to me. They just tell me what to do and I do it, most of the time and if I don’t get it done in a timely manner I just may get a swat or a nip as a reminder that they asked me to do something. I get the message. I follow orders.

It is late autumn and getting cold outside. Now and then some sweet creature from the wilds decides to try and enter uninvited. They mean no real harm. Poor creatures are just looking for warm shelter and a free meal. Ice, sleet, snow and freezing rain are coming soon. Simone and Sully Spider tried. Sadly for them Callie spotted them sneaking in beneath a crack on the windowsill. They met their demise. Tux praised her on her speedy and accurate aim. Two in one blow. What a cat! She’s good. She is an ever alert and prowling danger to spiders and other such crawly thing and even those with wings. Callie can leap tall furniture with a single bound and hang from a curtain rod with one paw while she swipes whatever is buzzing about right out of the air. She is amazing. Not one spider, fly, bug or insect of any kind gets past her. She can execute maneuvers that would make a master of martial arts look lame. I appreciate her.

I’m not fond of insect in my home and especially not spiders. I realize they have their purpose and I respect that but they would be the wiser to stay in their own environment, not mine. We will both be happier and live longer. Let me remind you, the cat patrol is on full alert. From early dawn until late into the night they are prowling the premises with only now and then a cat nap. Even then they sleep with both ears and one eye open.

Tux is the chief of rodent patrol. He is a bit fluffier than Callie but he is quick when the need calls for him to be. He can corner a mouse and have it pinned under his paw before the second hand on the clock can click past five. Few such intruders have escaped with their life. The few that have must have reported back to their colony about the cat patrol. I neither see nor hear them and there is no sign of them having been around. I appreciate Tux. Mice are really cute but I don’t want them scurrying around my house. Tux is a good old boy.

I really love my cats. I appreciate them. Now if they would just manage those dust bunnies that keep sneaking into corners and hiding under the bed. I suppose they have to leave something to me. After all, even a cat has to sleep sometime.

Annette Bromley