how?

How careless have I been?
To lose so many, though
not all at once. I would expect
scars to remain at least
shadows of their pain.
Did i cry then, when i first
encountered loss?
I doubt it. Tears are not
my forte. How i wish fountains
could spring from eyes too dry,
too dry.
How did i journey so far
from feeling, never wanting
to travel in the first place.
Oh to be an animal, to curl
myself around my own body,
and wait , wait for the call.