How To Blanch Onions

How To Blanch Onions

The recipe sounded easy, told me just what I had to do
I know this may sound clich?, but I got in such a stew!
Peeling spuds was fine, I do that every day
But then it said, 'blanch onions' Blanch them did it say?

I read it once I read it twice
It still said blanch, I read it thrice
What was that? What could it mean?
(I'd have been okay if it said steam!)

I looked at my onions and looked at my book
For a very long moment I just stood and looked
I looked at my pots, and I looked at my floor
But how to blanch onions I still wasn't sure

Then reason took over and I snatched up the phone
I'd call my mum and ask her, Oh please let her be home
But the phone just rang and rang, nobody was there
How could she be out, It really wasn't fair

Who else could I ask? I ran out of the door
A passer by was staring at the apron that I wore
My hair was all scraped back and my hand still clutched the knife
I looked much more like a loony than a law-abiding wife

I ran to my neighbours and banged on her door
The strange looks I got, I tried to ignore
I thought she was out, I was almost in tears
Then she opened the door, complete with her shears

"Do you know how to blanch?" I screamed it aloud
By now we'd attracted a bit of a crowd
With weapons in hand we turned to the mob
"Can anyone cook?" I was starting to sob

The crowd backed away, and watched us with fear
It was either my knife, or her garden shears
"How do you blanch? Please tell me, please?"
The policeman arrived as I fell to my knees

"Threatening a crowd and creating a noise
How do you blanch, here's one for the boys"
He thought it was funny; he actually laughed
Okay I grant you it might now sound daft

But I was hett up, my pride was all gone
And to laugh at me then, I felt it was wrong
So I pushed the policeman, he fell to the floor
And the funny thing was he was laughing no more

I was marched to the station, but when they let me go
I still couldn't blanch my onions, how it was done I didn't know
The kitchen was a mess and my husband was due nigh
So I chopped my onions up and made good old shepherds pie