Jeff's mug 'o' tees...

It all started way back in the summer of 1993. I had been out of
work for
some time and therefore I had become eligible to attend a government
run
"back to work" scheme which consisted of sitting in a room full of
similarly
unemployed and unemployable people,learning how to write an effective
job
application letter and fill in forms... Attendance was not
'mandatory',but
should you decide not to go,you'd find that your unemployment
benefits
would be stopped,so the incentive really was the desire not to starve
out on
the streets...

So,I dragged myself in every morning and tried to make the best of a
very
bad situation... I would bid my fellow inmates good morning, but they
would
back away from me as if I was about to decapitate them! Obviously I was
not
welcome amongst these greying examples of the living dead and they set
out
to make that fact abundantly clear. They had this air of,"God,NO! I'm
not
really unemployed,I'm just waiting for a suitable position to arise!",
which
did not fool me... We were all in the same boat!

Anyway,the coffee breaks were the high points of the day and since
there
were somewhat scant resources,we were all encouraged to bring in our
own
mugs and coffee... Believe me,if you didn't then you would have to
do
without a drink because there would be NO sharing! Of course,under
these
awful conditions there's always one old duffer that takes it upon
himself to
become the group's 'joker' and people would laugh along with him
and
comment on how much of a lovable loon he is...

The joker in this particular pack went by the name of Jeff and he
specialised
in long rambling anecdotes,usually about his golfing exploits which
always
seemed to produce gales of laughter,not least from Jeff himself... I
always
found his tales purile at best,and not even accidentally amusing. So
one
morning,after a singularly dull session discussing the correct way
to
approach a prospective employer,I headed for the kitchen area in order
to
revive myself with a hot murky cup of instant coffee. However,as I
entered
the kitchen I heard a huge roar of laughter from the gathered throng...
In
the midst of this crowd was Jeff holding a mug of tea in one hand...
It
transpired that this mug was the cause of all the jollity for it
was
emblazoned with the legend,"Jeff's mug 'o' tees",which incorporated a
logo
consisting of two crossed golf clubs under an arch of golf balls and in
the
centre was a tee. For me,it was the last straw and I marched out of the
room
before I upended the cup over Jeff's grey sweating mass...

After this incident,the mug became everyone's favourite joke!

"Oh,yes! Here comes Jeff with his mug 'o' tees!"

"Oi,Don! Have you seen Jeff's mug? It says Jeff's mug 'o' tees on
it!!"

I felt my anger building up and up! Not only did I have to attend this
stupid
course,but I had to put up with the biggest bunch of idiots I had
ever
encountered. How could such a weak joke be the cause of such merriment?
I
was baffled,but somehow the joke rolled on and on!

By the end of the week,I had taken just about all I could stand of this
stupid
bloody mug. I knew I couldn't match it's mystical powers,but maybe I
could
beat it at it's own game and so I decided to take the world's weakest
joke on
a world tour...

The plan was simple... I would say "Jeff's mug 'o' tees" in some of the
most
wonderful and unusual places in the world in order to give some
real
gravitas to this,the weakest of all jokes. Jeff's mug 'o'tees has been
invoked
in such places as the battle fields of the somme,on the very top of the
Eiffel
tower in Paris and it's replica in King's Dominion theme park in
Virginia,USA... I have said it whilst flying above Iceland and Canada.
It has
been uttered in Chicago,Philadelphia and Madison in Wisconsin... I took
the
joke on a swift tour of Scotland and It's been to places such as
Glasgow,Stirling
and Edinburgh. I have sullied the rail link between Newark and
Nottingham with this lame gag and it's doing the rounds in cyber space
as you read this...
It has also been aired in Amsterdam,and onstage with bands such as
'Brain of Morbius' and
'Road rage'... This joke has been around! It's still painfully unfunny
and I
bear all kinds of malice (still!) towards Jeff and his stupid mug,but I
have
stolen the power from his pottery pal!

My enduring hope is that this item of crockery was smashed some
time
ago,but Jeff being Jeff,has probably got it on permanent display
somewhere
and is still getting major league laughs out of this thing today!