Last Wish

By Bradene

Wed, 12 Nov 2008
  • 1681 reads
7 comments
 

Out loud, he said
I want to die at home
in my own bed
with those I love around.
Shocked,
she looked back at him with silent groan
and raw
determination there she found.
Steadfastly
in his paling eyes she saw
a warning
not to bicker at his choice,
knowing
well enough not to argue more,
nodding
chose not to let him hear her voice
fear filled,
nor sense the dread down deep within
her troubled spirit,
sorrow wreathed, torn apart
with grief.
Pain pierced, pricked her aging skin.
and seared her soul
to join the wreckage of her heart.

©

Copyright
VMM2008

Certificate U
Poem
A Tribute to...
Love

Comments

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
A very sad and poignant poem Val. A beautiful piece. Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Bradene on
Thanks Magic for your comment. Val x

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Yes, so very sad, Val. Beautifully written. Tina xx

 

Submitted by Bradene on
Happy you think so Tina. Val x

Submitted by jennifer on
Excellent expression, but not sure about where the line breaks come, for example, at the beginning, I think the break should be after 'he 'said' so that 'I want to die at home' is a statement with a line all to itself. J x

 

Submitted by Bradene on
I've edited it that way and I think it does read better, I'm now wondering about the rest. I'll have to have a fiddle later. Thanks again for your very welcome thoughts and input. Val x

Submitted by jennifer on
Better, but think you need commas: Out loud, he said, I want to die at home I think it's an excellent poem, perhaps the simplicity of the staccato lines should be left alone...