Litter Bug

It was a hellish day and London steamed miserably in temperatures
well into the nineties. The breeze we had been promised had already
left town in disgust and it was hotter than hades in our tiny
department, already packed to the rafters with the sick and the
accidental.

I'd been working flat out for seven hours of my eight-hour shift when
Daisy Flowers presented herself. She was like a breath of fresh air
with her beaming smile and matter of fact cheeriness. She deposited
half a dozen carrier bags on the floor by the chair and plopped herself
down with an exaggerated sigh.

'Ooh that's better' she said ' my feet are killing me'
and with that she kicked off her shoes and wiggled her elegant painted
toes across the cold tiled floor, giggling with delight. She leaned
towards me and whispered
'If I thought I could get away with it' she said 'I'd strip stark naked
and roll over and over on these lovely cool tiles'.
And then she winked at me.
I couldn't help but warm to her, her good humour was infectious and,
hoping nothing else about her was, I pulled the required paperwork
across the desk towards me and began to take details from her. Name,
address, date of birth, that sort of thing. She answered me straight
away, without a sign of hesitation , she even knew her GP's telephone
number off by heart. I liked this woman. So far she was making my job
very easy indeed.

'So, Miss Flowers' I said, trying my hardest to look sympathetic, while
the noise from my empty stomach rumbled menacingly louder and
louder
'What seems to be the problem?'

'It's my arm' she said 'Something bit me'

She nodded in the direction of her left arm which hung limply at her
side.

'I can't bend it.' She added woefully.

'You say something bit you? What do you mean? Something like
...?'

'Well I'm not sure' she said slowly 'not at all sure what it was. I
didn't actually see it. I felt it bite me though. Very definitely bit
me'

'So this something that bit you wasn't an animal then' I asked 'like a
dog or something?'

'Oh no' she replied earnestly 'I don't think so. I think I probably
would have noticed a dog'

I swallowed a chuckle as I tried to gauge the extent of the damage
without touching the offending limb. I didn't want to cause any
unnecessary pain to such a dear old lady.

'You say you can't bend it?' I asked, gazing at the area of her
cardigan where her elbow should have been . It did look rather
swollen.
'Did that happen as soon as you felt the bite?' I asked, pointing to
the offending swelling.

'I think so dear' she said 'although I can't be positive'

I stood and rolled up my sleeves, rubbing my hands together briskly to
warm them

'Okay Miss flowers, I think we'd better take a little look at you. Can
you take off your cardigan for me please?'

'I'm sorry dear' she said moments later, having struggled in vain to
bend her arm. 'It won't come off.'

'Well Miss Flowers I need to have a look at your arm and if we can't
get it off then I'm afraid I'll have to cut it off' I told her, as I
too struggled with the cardigan which still refused to budge.

'Cut it off?' She gasped, her face pale with horror.

'Your cardigan Miss Flowers' I explained, trying to smother my grin
'not your arm'

'Silly me'. She laughed, the colour returning to her cheeks 'You had me
worried for a while there I can tell you'

'So I think the cardi will have to go. Is that okay?'
I watched her face for signs of distress but she just smiled back at
me.

'Oh yes dear' she replied 'It's only an old one anyway'

I doubted very much that was true as the cardigan appeared in fine
condition and I winced slightly as I cut into the wool with my
scissors.
As the fabric began to fall away from her wrist and up towards her
elbow she beamed at me and said

'Why, that feels better already'

As I reached the elbow, the cause of Miss Daisy Flowers' discomfort
became apparent. Onto the table fell two rather large, and somewhat
soggy, tissues along with a crumpled chocolate wrapper and the root of
the problem, a rather squashed,very deceased mosquito, which had rather
foolishly decided to dine on the flesh of Miss Flowers' elbow.

I looked down at the table and then at Miss Flowers who blinked a
couple of times before saying
'Oh dear'

'Well that appears to be the cause of your problem' I said, pointing at
the dead insect 'but I am sorry about your cardigan'

'That's all right dear.' she sighed 'I thought it was swollen from what
bit me' she said ' I forgot about those'

She nodded towards the tissues and chocolate wrapper that represented
her mysterious 'swelling'.

'There wasn't a bin you see, and I didn't have any pockets' she
explained 'And I do so hate litter'