Naptime Five Hundred #2: Cho Seung-hui, The Old-School, Oldboy

It was an odd decision by murderous fruitcake Cho Seung-hui, shipping his multi-media PR package to NBC. And not only because it feels a bit old hat in this cyber age. Nor do I highlight the financial folly of paying fourteen dollars for a courier (Money’s not a hot issue for a crazy ready to turn a gun on himself). What I mean is, he was taking a risk.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, NBC hadn’t turned out to be such a bunch of vain, insensitive scoop-whores getting a semi-on because he chose THEM (“Gee!”) – say they had taken a couple of weeks or even months to call this, rather than the “full day” which NBC advertises like we’re supposed to coo at their syrupy compassion (it takes me a full day to choose a new electric kettle from the Argos catalogue). America might have been buzz...sorry, weeping about the next big middle-American studocide by then.

The question that slaps us in the face, like a chubby, gold-trimmed fist of a jock striking the cheek of a socially inadequate oriental for talking funny, is this: why didn’t he upload to the net? This would have left the very real, disturbing possibility of a global audience, chortling away at this loon’s manifesto on YouTube as he went about his homicidal business. That would have bumped up his infamy rating a bit, something he clearly cared deeply about.

Anyway, shame on NBC for spraying all that steaming manure about insights into the mind of a killer blah blah bloody blah. The police had already dismissed the video nasty as being “as much use as a glass cricket bat”. (Okay, that’s not a real quote.) The film, along with the cringeworthy cinematic poses and the mind-numbing text, was designed with one purpose only: publicity. NBC couldn’t resist giving it the old oxygen.

Mind you, neither could many other news networks. Responding to Paxman’s judgemental sneering on Newsnight, NBC’s big cheese quite reasonably pointed out that extensive footage had been shown on that very show prior to the interview.

“You put it out there,” was Paxman’s retort, sounding rather like a toddler insisting to mum that HE started it.

And because I am no different, here – purely because it’s in the public interest – is a chunk from Cho’s rant.

“You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today. But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off.”

So there you go, students of Virginia Tech. That’s cleared that one up. Apparently, it was all your fault. You made him do it. Obviously it’s a tough time right now, what with so many innocent friends losing their lives, but I’m sure you can take some peace away now you profoundly understand the notoriety-hungry mentalist that took them.

God bless America.

And God bless NBC.

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