No Change is Sexy

No Change is Sexy

Not sure why I am writing this, but then I'm not really sure why I do
anything. Since I was a little kid I've always wondered if God was
real. Everytime I look up at the sky, every time I see a tree, a human
being, my dog Ben running free around a field. I just get a strong
feeling inside that there is something more, that there is a creator
somewhere.

I'm not writing this to preach or testify that Jesus has made me born
again or anything, cause nothing like that has happend. I'm not part of
any religous organisation, not part of any 'Jesus loves you' club. I'm
just me, the same guy I've always been, only something inside me feels
different lately. I've been wondering a lot about God, wondering if
perhaps I should be walking down some sort of spiritual path as opposed
to the material one. I'm wondering if perhaps I should be praying,
meditating more, trieing to find that still centre within; where maybe
the voice of God is.. I dunno..

I was chatting to an old friend last night and he reckons that me and
him are some of the few survivors left from our circle of friends back
from when we were younger. A time when a lot of us were experimenting
in the realms of psychedelia. Some of them are dead now, and some have
just gone completely crazy; yet we're still around, me and him and seem
to be ok. Only we don't take as many mind-altering chemicals as we used
to. I think my head has had enough of those to be honest. We both do a
bit of writing here, a bit of writing there, have a lil drink now and
then, the occasional smoke, get paranoid; talk about philosophy and
getting through this strange world somehow. Wondering what the Hell
this is all about man?

Is there a God? I wonder, what's that aching dissatisfied feeling
inside that some people get at times about? That yearning for something
deeper, the yearning for truth, for meaning, something that can't be
filled with money or possessions. Whenever I look at a mountain, at the
stars at night, I know that this world with it's politics, it's daft
arguments that get nowhere, the done to death ratrace - is nothing
compared to this. The world of man is just a drop in the ocean compared
to the beauty and wonder of nature and the universe. When I'm alone and
sit in some woods or a forest. I become aware of a presence. Something
ancient and mysterious. And sometimes it feels like it is leaving
messages for me, in a language which can only be understood by the
heart. It's a language of colours, of sounds, of smells and feelings.
It feels like a telepathic thing. And sometimes I can hear messages in
the water, sense the trees are telling me things, that wild animals are
talking to me with their eyes; that the sky is restless and preparing
for something, some great event set in the near future. Like there is a
great spirit communicating with me through the realm of nature, and I
feel it I really feel it; but I can't prove it's there and I can't
really explain it, what it is, how it works; words just don't seem
enough to explain it; but I know that there is something there with me
and I'm not alone.

This world of man is just a drop in the ocean, yet it feels so in my
face at times, has no respect for the realm of nature, just thinks it
has the right to take and take. I'm sick of the: get a job, get a
career, you owe us this, you owe us that, borrow here, borrow there,
end up in more debt, mortgage, bills, get a better phone, get a better
house, a faster car, buy more things, happiness is just around the
corner, buy more things, spam, spam, spam. Schoolyard becoming the
workyard; playground games becoming mind games. The richman/poorman
divide, wars, pollution, animal abuse, nature exploitation,
experimentation. The atmosphere dense with unpleasant thoughts about
one another. I hate it.. is why I want to escape it. Go back to my
roots, back to the source, back to God.

Yeah physically I'm sound, I got a home, I got food, my computer, a
motorbike, my stereo. I might even have a job soon. I got the creature
comforts, which is more than a lot of people in this world have got.
And I'm grateful for that, really I am, I feel fortunate I guess. I'm
glad I'm not stuck in some war-torn third world country without a home,
starving to death. No I'm very lucky. My problem is in my mind, that's
where I'm struggling, struggling with the need to communicate in a
world I can no longer relate to or connect with. Human beings are
social animals. The need to communicate and form bonds is strong in
humanity, and I'm no exception. But I feel so alone somedays, like an
outsider looking in, watching it all spiral, wishing, hoping for
change. Hearing the cries of pain coming from mother earth and not
knowing how I can help her. Wishing I could help her. My head is in
another place from a lot of people most of the time. If I talk about
the wonder of a tree or the sky to some people, they just laugh at me,
call me a hippy or something, and then dial up someone on their
next-gen mobile phone, and have a conversation about their mobile
phones, whilst microwaves eat away at their brains. Everywhere I look I
see rubbish, pollution, people just don't care about the earth anymore.
They'll just keep on taking from her without giving anything back in
return; and oneday there'll be nothing left to take from her, the
resources will run dry, and the big tower of Babel will topple and a
lot of people (not everyone) will go crazy (well they're already crazy,
but I mean they'll go crazy x 100 = mega-crazy.) The culture of
borrowing, the culture of me-me-me won't know how to survive without
their technology, gadgets and electronic servants doing things for
them. Our advancement has made us weak really, how many of us know how
to grow our own food? How many of us know how to hunt and build a
shelter for ourselves, make our own clothes? Not that I want to go
backwards, I want to go forwards; but I want us to move forwards with a
correct relationship with the earth and each other, with no more
exploitation. We have a lot of faith in our western world, and if it
was all to disappear tonight, what would we do tommorrow some of us,
could we survive? Would a lot of us die out? Have we become
domesticated, institutionalized? Like those poor farm animals who are
bred just for profit and food. Who have forgotten what it is to be a
part of the wild, to be free.

***

No change is sexy

"... Let's not change the world, let's leave it like it is, no change,
no change is sexy. Let's not look inside for inner worlds, let's not
find meaning. Let's just be sexy. Let's forge angry alliances,
endlessly replaying scenes of rejection and violation. To change is
bad, change is a misnomer; promoted by Californians with strange
haircuts and symmetrical teeth. No change is sexy. Let's talk about
taking our lives as if considering a trip to the video shop: 'Yeah, I
might top myself later, see how I feel.' No change is sexy. Let's
become aroused by the acrid aroma of urine in a deep tunnel underground
station, you'll never see the rainforests anyway. No change is sexy.
Let's walk around supermarkets and get turned on by the twisted
contorted faces of people doing their shopping; and then make jokes
about murdering shop assistants and eating their livers with virgin
olive oil and a sprig of parsley. No change is sexy. Let's make love
while surrounded by the distress signals of brown paper take away bags
and pornographic videos - Romeo and Juliet in a passionate compocivity.
I love this society, I know where I am... nah I'll never see the
rainforests anyway.. no change, no change is sexy.." - (quote is part
of some half-remembered lyrics out of a song whose title I can't
remember now, but was composed by Jah Wobble.)