The Reality of Death

He sat on the pale blue hospital bed, the off-white sheets bunched up at his feet. His hair was untidy, and it looked like he hadn’t slept in days, which he probably hadn’t. I tapped his shoulder to get his attention, and smiled at him. “Hey…Eddie, you’re not very talkative today are you?” He looked at me, and hesitated, before raising his slender hand to respond.
“I’m just tired,” He signed back, flashing an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry Emily.”
As he finished, his nurse walked in and up to the bed, handing him a white and blue towel. She looked at me, silently, meaning for me to leave.
“It’s time for your shower, Edward,” she said and signed at the same time, as if he could hear her. He nodded and waved to me as she led him to the shower room. At the same time, I left the room and went into the waiting room until they had finished. Edward was my best friend, we had met a year ago through some mutual friends. Back then, he still had his hearing, and the ability to speak, but a lot had happened and he lost both about six months ago. Around the same time, they told him that he was terminally ill.
It was hard to deal with. I remember, him coming over to my house, driven by his “new dad”, and made me sit down, which was always a bad sign. He was still struggling with sign language so I tried to help him with it, since I knew sign language because I have a deaf cousin. He grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and began writing rapidly.
With tears in his eyes, he handed me the note. I didn’t want to read it, I was, honestly, afraid to. But I did, and I cried the instant I saw those words. The doctors had diagnosed him with terminal cancer. He looked at me the whole time, tears rolling down his face as I looked back at him. “No…” I said, not caring that he couldn’t hear me. “You’re not…You can’t be. Please tell me you’re joking.”
He sighed, having an idea of what I had been saying. He got up and hugged me, crying into my shoulder. I cried with him, and we cried for what seemed like hours. Finally, he moved away, and we dried our tears and just sat there. “I have to go…I’m sorry, Emily, I really am.” he signed slowly, giving me a sad smile before getting up.
I got up after him and followed him up the stairs to the foyer. He gave me another hug, before putting his orange plaid coat on and zipping it up. “..bye Eddie.” I said, waving to him, on the verge of crying again.
“I love you,” he signed to me, smiling lightly. He turned towards the door and turned around once more, to see me sign back. He waved and walked out the door, and to the car that had brought him here. His “new dad” started the car ,and they drove off. I watched until I couldn’t see them anymore, and then went back to my room.
Tears rolled down my face as I sat in the cold, waiting room chair. Realizing it, I wiped my eyes just as Eddie walked out of the room. His hair was now combed and tidy, and his pajamas exchanged for a pair of jeans and a black long sleeved shirt; which fit snuggly on his tiny frame.
He sat next to me, and put his head on my shoulder. He had obviously seen me crying, and I blushed lightly in embarrassment. “Hey Eddie..” I signed, holding my hands so he could see them. He didn’t say anything in return just sat there with his head against my shoulder, smiling kindly, his large green eyes closed. I leaned my head against his, remaining silent with him, not wanting to leave. I admired Eddie more than anyone else ever. He was so accepting and forgiving, even with what he had been through, I often times found myself wishing I could be like him.
When he was younger, his stepfather used to beat him. Often times, he would beat Eddie until near death, but Eddie never told anyone, not once. When he was ten, his step dad tried to kill him, throwing him up against a wall and nearly strangling him. If his sister hadn’t walked in, Eddie would probably be dead. When he told me about it, I cried. It didn’t make any sense to me why someone would try to hurt him.
He didn’t understand either, he was only ten, and hadn’t done anything wrong to merit such treatment. I remember him sitting with me as I cried. He didn’t say anything, just sat there, his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t be sad about it Emily,” he had said to me quietly “If anything be happy, I might have turned out differently if that hadn’t happened.”
He didn’t blame anybody for what had been done to him. He wasn’t bitter towards his step dad. He was scared of him, but not bitter.
About a month ago, his step-father found the hospital he was staying at. I was with Eddie at the time. I remember several nurses rushing in to his room and over to Eddie. “We’re locking your room,” they had said, slightly panicked “Don’t leave and don’t stand up.” With that they had left, and we didn’t know what was going on until we heard shouting down the hall a few minutes later.
“Where the hell is he?” came the voice, loud and forceful followed by several other voices telling him he needed to leave. Eddie sat on the bed, his pale complexion turning paler as he realized who the booming voice belonged to.
“It’s him,” he signed, shaking as he moved his hands. Fixing his pale red shirt quickly, he got up, walked to the door, and peered out. He made no noise as he looked out the window cautiously. I sat there and watched him, not knowing what to do, afraid to do anything. Suddenly he moved away from the door and walked hurriedly back to the bed. “He saw me.” was all his hands said.
More shouting came from the hallway, finally fading down the hallway. Edward did nothing, didn’t even move, just sat there, with a panicked look on his face. We were disrupted as the door unlocked and Eddie’s doctor walked in, looking slightly disheveled.
“We’re sorry about that, Edward,” the man said “But don’t worry, your stepfather has left, and all nurses have been informed that he is not allowed to be here.” After setting his hand on Eddie’s shoulder for a moment, he walked out, leaving the door open.
“He saw me.” he signed again, looking at me. He was truly terrified, I hadn’t realized how afraid of that man he was until then. “Don’t let him get me,” he looked at me, and smiled weakly.
“Don’t worry, I wont.” I responded, not knowing how I could prevent his father from getting to him, but I was bent on trying. It hadn’t been until that day that I witnessed the emotional damage his father had given Eddie. It was sad, and as I left the hospital I cried, as I usually did as I left.
Moving my shoulder as we sat in the nearly empty waiting room, I looked at Eddie. “I should probably get going Hun,” I signed to him standing up. “It’s already 9 p.m. and I have school tomorrow.” He motioned for me to help him up and I did, carefully.
He gave me a disappointed frown, raising his hands. “Oh…Alright. Will you come tomorrow?” He looked at me, his vibrant green eyes staring into mine.
“Of course,” I responded, smiling at him. “I come every night, you don’t need to ask” I walked with him back to his room and helped him into the muted bed. Walking to my chair I grabbed my messenger bag and slung it over my shoulder. I walked over to him and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, as I always did before I left. “I love you” I signed to him, moving away.
He responded, smiling and waving as I left the hospital room. As I made my way down the hallway I sighed quietly and looked at the ceiling. I usually tried to clear my mind of the reality that I wouldn’t be friends with Eddie forever, like we originally said we would be, but sometimes it was hard. It was hard to visit him in that hospital everyday and not think about why he was there.
I mentioned earlier, his “new dad”, who was in fact his uncle. He had unofficially adopted Eddie, and paid for all of his hospital fees and other needs. I had only met him on a few occasions, but he seemed like a decent man. It made me happy that he was at least being taken care of by somebody who wasn’t going to hurt him.
He was the most important person to me on the planet, he still is. Never judging and always loving those around him, no matter how much they hurt him. Now, with only 8 more months to live, I fear the outcome of everyday. Eddie has had such an effect on me…more-so than anyone I have ever known before. I don’t know what I will do when he leaves me, I mean, how would you react knowing your best friend in the world was going to die before his 19th birthday?
I can’t even begin to imagine what life will be like without him. I’ve spent everyday with him for the last six months, talking to him, trying to understand what he has been going through. He was an inspiration to me, and even the nurses say he’ll be hard to forget. But, I’ll never forget him, no matter where life takes me, he’ll always have a place in my heart.