She - August 11 2002

10.17 am I have been up a while, and spent some time having a look
at the comments on the items I have posted on another site. I read the
stream of poetry from one of those who commented, and her poetry
revealed that she was very sad and confused. I think that poetry that
comes from the heart is always better than some "clever" piece like you
read from time to time.

Love can be wonderful, it can also confuse us and make us despair. But
the real thing is being friends with someone. That is what really
counts. I don't think we can love anyone without being a friend as
well. The Clash once sung in "City Of The Dead", "fall in love and fall
in bed", but that doesnt happen, we have to know the person first, we
cannot just fall in love and fall in bed just because it seemed like a
good idea at the time.

Time is so precious too.

I woke up yesterday (10) about 9.00, I think. I fed the cats, then
played guitar. My wife went out to the Gym and then the town. I
messaged Erin, then I fed my Mum and Dad's cat. There was a big storm
in the morning, and afterwards the sun came out. I went to Leigh and
followed Erin's advice, I changed the printer cartridge for one that
worked with the printer I have, and also exchanged the two CDs I had
gotten yesterday for "Odds and Sods" by the Who, and an album by a band
called "Dodgy". I couldnt listen to it first, but the bloke who ran the
shop said they sounded a bit like early Who, which was good enough for
me.

I had a cup of tea in Hippos and read the liner notes on the CDs. Then
I went in Ugos and had a latte and a chargrilled chicken sandwich.
There was a wedding party lots of people dressed up and drinking white
wine and trying to look their best, while I sat there smoking drinking
my coffee. I wanted to say something just then, I wanted to say, "have
you any idea what you are getting into? i have been married a long time
and in time you work out a new way of thinking, of reacting to each
other, because if you dont you are doomed. Do you love each other? Are
you friends first and lovers second?" But I said nothing as it was just
a wedding party and i didnt know them. I wonder why we dress up for
such occasions. Is it any less valid to attend in a leather jacket and
a pair of battered Levis and boots? Well actually in a film I once saw
the Hells Angels had a wedding and thats exactly what they wore. I
cannot remember the name of the film but it featured a character called
"Poet", I wonder what the film is called.

So I am walking up to Safeway, to see if they had Aftershock, and I
checked my phone, and Erin had messaged me a reply, which made me
happy. I messaged back to tell her I had bought a new watch and that it
was hot here and so on. I got the bus to Westcliff and went in the army
surplus store there, and there was another girl going to Reading as
well, and I bought a huge Cargo Bag, three t shirts, a studded belt and
a tent big enough for two, and 6 ' 10" long. And a water flask which
may come in handy. Then I got the bus to Safeway and asked about
Aftershock, and the bloke in there said go to Canvey. Hmmm, bit far to
go. I walked home and stopped in an off license and bought a bottle of
blue Aftershock which is now in the Cargo Bag as I write. It was ?27.
This seems a lot, but it was something I wanted to get.

In the second hand book shop I bought a book of poetry by
Henri/McGough/Patten and a hardbacked copy of "The Sign Of The
Unicorn", so I now have two copies of this book, and although I guess I
cannot send it to Erin, I wonder if she would like the book to read
sometime.

I got in, went online, read emails, and replied to one from G, and
immediately afterwards cut the CD I had promised G which I will send
tomorrow.

I played guitar again and then my wife got in, and we had tea and
watched Mission Impossible II, but I had seen the film before and I
lost interest in it half way through, I had to go online, and as I did,
Kit was online so we had a brief chat. Erin is out with friends
tonight. I think in Essex Friday night is more the big night out as a
lot of us work Monday to Friday, whereas others who go out on Saturday
night work Saturday as well. I was thinking of a song by P Weller
called "Here Comes The Weekend".

I have been listening to Ker Plunk this morning. I have Erin's picture
on my other laptop and sometimes I just like to look at it. She's my
friend and that is so good to know.