the television romance

THE TELEVISION ROMANCE

Me and my girlfriend had had a bad couple of weeks where we had fought
about all these really small things that neither of us really care an
ounce about but pick up on for something to do:

"You smoke too much."

"You piss too much."

"Shut UP."

And one Monday morning when it must have been dry because I was woken
up by two different lawnmowers I decided that we should try killing
some people. It seemed kind of funny and I figured it would make a
change from just talking to one another, so I rode a bicycle quickly to
her house where I found her throwing dead leaves that looked like
skeletons at a grey cat who had blue eyes that were too big for its
body, and who opened its mouth a little every time one of the dead
leaves that looked like skeletons hit it. It rubbed up against my leg
when I got off the bicycle and sang silently, I looked at my girlfriend
and laughed, she laughed too and looked very beautiful sitting propped
up by the base of her oak tree.

I think we should go and kill some people, I explained as I sat next to
her and lit us both a cigarette with one match.

She knew I wasn't kidding and agreed that it seemed like a good idea,
although she confessed to worrying about how exactly we would kill
them. I reassured her by saying it would be quite funny, and my
girlfriend said it was very often the simple things that stopped
relationships from becoming stale.

We could kill your parents, I said, but we didn't want to have to clean
the house up afterwards so I kissed her on the forehead and we walked
out onto the street.

How about him? pointing at a heavy man with grey hair wearing a boat
red leisure suit. I picked up a brick and hit his face until I heard it
crunch like crisps and blood gurgled out of his nose quite fast.

- I love you, I told her

- I love you too she said, taking my hand.