When The Music Stops

By Bradene

Thu, 23 Oct 2008
  • 1096 reads
2 comments
 

A head that’s empty
out of touch
a heart that’s cold
not feeling much;
eyes that see
yet register naught
a mind in turmoil
forgotten thought.

A hope of light
the smallest glimmer
is quickly doused
hopes get slimmer;
random phrases
still survive
at childish songs
eyes come alive;
just for a space
the shortest while
brings back a tune
to create a smile.

Then lights diminish
eyes go opaque
the beat has stopped
and heart strings break.

©
Copyright
VMM2008

Certificate U
Poem
Life's Ups And Downs
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
Consider the semi-colon in place of some of your full stops. And with such regular absolute breaks, why not break into stanzas? Love the last two lines: 'the beat has stopped and heart strings break.'

 

Submitted by Bradene on
Thanks Jennifer I think that makes sense Can't think why I did it like that in the first place. Your kind of Critique I like. Val x