Y OH Y

My experiance in Ibiza.

Dear Mr. Benson and Mr. Hedges,

Whilst sitting outside a bar in Ibiza I fell victim to your latest
advertising scheme.
Young men wearing gold Linford Christie style Lycra running suits
handing out free cigarettes. I think this is unethical. Nicotine is
proven to be addictive you know. It seems this promotion was designed
on this knowledge. It worked on me, but I have suffered more than most,
as you shall hear in my poem.

He strode up to our table with no sign of disgrace.

Thrust forward his packet into my girlfriends face,

Scantily dressed with a muscular chest

Handsome, his body suntanned.

He then opened his packet in front of me

But placed it straight into her hand.

I was so jealous, coz she was so glad.

I wished I had a packet just like this young lad.

The next thing I knew, well what could I say

I shouted, "Come back". She shouted , "No way".

I realize now it wasn't his packet
But his lunch box that made her eyes bigger.

At the time, I dint notice
His Linford Christie type figure.

Then guess what I saw, there on the floor,
Something that made me smile once more,

His packet discarded, it came my possession,

This went some way to ease my depression.

Just one puff, I was hooked, 'boomshanka',

An addiction, no girlfriend, I felt such
a&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230; fool,

I thought smoking made you feel cool.

I look forward to hearing your views on my dreadful experience and to
agree terms of my compensation.

Yours sincerely,

Ofar Quarson.

Dear Mr Quarson,

Thank you for your recent letter, addressed to 'Mr Benson and Mr
Hedges', which has been forwarded to me.

In common with all manufactures, Gallaher participates in various
marketing and promotional activities in the countries in which its
products are sold. In each country, Gallaher takes full steps to ensure
that all marketing and promotional activities comply with local rules
and regulations.

Thank you for taking the trouble to write.

Yours sincerely,

Some old blarr de blarr customer service person who I had better not
name.