October Did It

October is a crappy month. It's an anti-climax, that's what it is.

January is a new year, a fresh start. It's cold, yes, but there's plenty of alcohol to be had and the celebrations keep me busy.

February is cold as hell as well, but there's usually a little snow and you can kid yourself that it's Christmas again.

March is the beginning of spring. Daffodils and bluebells begin to poke through the ground. I live in the city (instead of newborn lamb bleating, the neighbours in the apartment block next to me just had a newborn baby boy - and God does that boy bleat a lot) but you can almost taste the freshness of spring in the air, if you can block out the smell of pollution.

April brings light showers and discarded jackets. Perhaps it would be better if both of those things came at different times (the amount of times I get caught in the rain without a jacket!), but April has a sense of humour, give it that.

May is sunny, an introduction to summer. On some days, it's a preview, a film director asking your opinion (not that it's going to influence anything about the movie at all, but we appreciate the gesture) on what sort of weather summer should bring.

June is the end of the cold, the start of loooooong days. The time passes quickly when you dream of the vacation.

July brings forth yet more sun, possibly tropical, because you've jetted off to somewhere that's over 95F.

August is languid, lazy, lovely. The summer slows down to savour every moment. The cold sets in slowly, but who cares? It's still 85F. It's still holiday. It's still summer.

September is work again, but work suddenly becomes more bearable. It's still warm, it's still pleasant and your new can-do attitude may not be put to very good use in the office, but do you care? No. Not until October.

October is a terrible month. The can-do attitude fails miserably, your boss is in an even crappier mood than the weather (which has decided to howl in protest to the end of summer and blow up any skirts or dresses you might wish to wear) and it's getting colder. It's unexpectedly cold, and you don't really see it coming until you're stuck in bed with a migraine, tea, and tissues positioned in an orbit around you.

November is a useless month as well, to be quite honest, but you've got a bit more used to the cold and you can look forward to Christmas. The holiday season has arrived.

If it weren't for Christmas, December would suck too, but unfortunately for the Grinch, the festival lives one. The day, the actual Christmas day, is a big disappointment. Presents are fun, of course they are. When you're opening them. But it's fun to drag your other half shopping. It's amusing to count the amount of crap window lights on your block as you drive past (it's not amusing to find that while you were out, your other half has put even crappier window lights in your window). You buy into the commercial frenzy of suddenly bumped-up prices. You pick out a turkey, only to send it back again when you discover that you've become a vegetarian. You become charitable.

October is a terrible month. It devestates the entire year. And by the way, just so we're clear, this tantrum involving October has nothing to do with my hate of Halloween. I never used to hate Halloween - but that was before the pumpkin I was carving set alight when I was out and burned the house down. My other half said it was my fault for leaving the candle so close to the pumpkin. I, on the other hand, know the truth.

October did it.