Welcome to London

I stepped out to the street from my new London abode.

"Oi! Do yu wa''a buy a laptop?"

I started sweating from the moment I saw it. I had been thinking of
scouring the second hand market for a computer, but here was something
that had slipped through its fingers.

"I'd have to have a proper look at it mate."

In the car. Inane and idle chatter.

"Foirs' time in London?"

"Yes, yes, not been here long."

"Wel'ome to London son"

"Thanks" I said pouring over the laptop. A Pentium IV, 64 meg of RAM.
Good. 10 gig, DVD, looks new. Looks good.

"Well i's a Sony in' i'?"

"Yes. It's a Sony."

Unfortunately, not an Apple. Not to compare Apples with not Apples. But
that's why PCs are so much cheaper than Apples. Because they're just
not Apples.

We struck a deal. Three hundred pounds. It was exactly what I had saved
and could afford to pay. With a glint in my eye, I dashed off for the
cash.

Back in the car. Checking the computer over once more.

"Okay, that's fine. Let's do the deal."

"Nosey naighbours?"

"Nah, good neighbours."

"Yeah, eve'yone nee's good naighbours, wif a li''le un'erstanding, you
'an fin' the perfec' frien's, 'as when goo' naighbours be'ome good
frien's don' they?"

"Look! Can we just do this!"

"G'on ma'e i' free 'undred an forty son!"

"No, free, I mean three, is all I have. That's the deal."

"Somefin' else? A digi'al camera?"

"No!"

"'ere, jus' 'ave a loo' a' i'!"

"I said no! What's going on? Are we going to do this deal or am I going
to walk?" Opening the door. Clutching my money more tightly. Firing my
best tough-guy glare. Expecting a knife or gun at any moment.

"Fucking 'ell! Se''le down! I'll pass 'i ou' a window!"

"Okay, okay." Good. Finally we could finish this, I thought, happy to
get out of the car.

At the window. Shouting.

"Free fir'y"

"Three!"

Grabbing. Pulling my arm.

Fear. Blinding fear.

Before I knew it the 'deal' was done and I was alone clutching the bag.
Only then I knew it. I was swept into my house by the sickening
realisation of what had just occurred.

With the smell of fear subsiding to expose the rat. With my mind
screaming of a thousand alarm bells ringing but moments too late. With
the trembling of my body barely disguising that of my hands. I fought
my way into that bag....

...there was no Computer.

"Wel'ome to London son. Wel'ome to London."