A.E Book I Arc I
By Asmodience
- 2745 reads
Hey, this is just the first chapter of a fantasy novel I'm trying to write during my spare time please give me your opions on were my strengths are and what I need to fix. Any imput would be great as this is my first writting attempt and I would like to know whether or not i'm on the right track. Thank you in advance, and enjoy!
Arc I
Alter Egos
&
Lenora
Dammit move I’m gonna miss my train again, shit outa the way, wait I’m almost there please don’t leave yet…Phew made it, now to find my seat. Oh hey you. Yes you the reader, were you just watchin all that haha. I know I was bein a lil rude to all the people, I just really didn’t wanna miss my train again ya know. Anyways you’re probably not too familiar with this place are ya? Guess not well welcome to Tera, the names Egaris Imas and this is a planet where every human has evolved to develop alter egos. Now lemme explain what these Alter Egos are all about they’re really cool hehe. Alter Egos are beings inside each and every person, they themselves are completely alive and are separate yet connected entities to each individual person, everyone one is born with one, well…everyone cept me.
Let me explain a lil more bout Alter Egos let’s call em A.E’s for short. A.E’s as I said are separate yet connected beings that dwell inside each and every person, and everyone has one except me. Typically A.E’s are born and developed after the child has developed some semblance of a personality which the A.E either mimics and makes its own, or creates its own personality, which tends to be the complete opposite of its human counterpart. A.E’s are completely genderless and also tend to split into three distinct categories in regards to their personality. The first being that they are the exact spitting image of their humans true personality not the personality the human preforms when out in public, but who they really are deep down inside. Our society calls this personality A.E positive as the A.E tends to get along with and understand their human better than anyone else can, thus giving the human a positive experience. The second personality type is the polar opposite of their human’s personality, which makes it very difficult for the human and his/her A.E to cooperate as you can kind of tell. As you may have guessed, yes they are known to society as A.E negative as they tend to cause depression and stress to their humans as they often argue with every decision the human makes. Don’t worry though it’s not as bad as it sounds since most humans living with an A.E negative have often come to peace with these kinds of issues. Unfortunately though there are those whom simply can’t coop with the stress of having an A.E negative and often resort to using illegal drugs to alleviate their stress. Now the last category is kind of harder to identify with as their not as black and white as the first two types, they’re known as A.E neutrals as they tend to fall in the middle of the spectrum ranging from understanding and kind to cruel and disheartening and anywhere in between. Apparently they are very difficult to understand, not much is known about them except that they are very rare. Scientist say sumthin like 10% of all humans have an A.E neutral, which I guess means that they don’t have the necessary data to properly explain em. Oh that reminds me the percentages of the other two A.E.’s are 50% and 40%, positive and negative respectfully.
A.E’s are pretty cool huh, well theirs a bit more to em then what I just explained ya know. Each and every A.E is completely unique just like humans are and as such they all come in crazy sizes and looks to. Some are as big as buildings while others are as small as marbles, some resemble animals and mythical creatures while others retain a more human like figure sometimes resembling their human’s appearance. Oh right people can’t see each other’s A.E’s unless they make a contract with a person to allow em to see their A.E, this usually involves mental consent while engaging in any sort of physical contact like a handshake, fist pump, high five or any other form of physical contact its really up to the contractor. Besides that there’s no way to see another person’s A.E, well cept my case to which I can see everyone’s A.E regardless of a contract.
See A.E’s are pretty cool, oh hey look you can see Capital that’s the place where we’re headed to, it’s the place where people compete in fights with their A.E’s, oh did I mention that A.E’s also have the ability to share their power with their human. It’s pretty cool ta see ya know some have super strength while others have super speed-Oh excuse me sorry kind sir but if you don’t mind may I sit here, Oh ya sure just let me move my bags (wow she’s hot), sorry for the intrusion it’s that the man I had been seated next to was just so unbearably intolerable, Ah ya I hear ya these attendants don’t really care were they put people ya know ha-ha (dammit stupid joke). Yes someone whom understands my disdain, and with a sense of humour, that’s quite charming, (yes she thinks I’m funny), my names Lenora I’m a human inhabitant of the planet two spaces away from yours called Mercurius. Oh ye that’s cool didn’t know they had humans there, anyways I’m Egaris Imas Nice ta meet ya! Ah well its pleasure to make your acquaintance Egaris. Oh so why’re ya headed to the capital Lenora if ya don’t mind me askin? Oh no not at all I came here to compete in the tournament that’s held here every three years the Galactic Combatants tourney, by any chance have you heard of this Egaris? Have I, I live for the tourneys their so awesome I’m actually going down to the capital to see it for myself ha-ha. Ah then I hope to see you in the crowds Egaris as it appears to be my stop, ah ok (dammit wanted ta talk with her just a lil more). Well I’ll be heading off a stop before the capital as I must take care of some lingering issues, I have a feeling this won’t be the last we meet, take care Egaris, ya you too (wonder what she mean by “this won’t be the last time we meet?).
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Comments
Good ideas for a book, but I
Good ideas for a book, but I think all of this should be explained throughout the story. If that's too difficult maybe create a character replacing the spot of the reader? It would just make it easier to write as you move forward rather than have your main character speak directly to the reader. Also use quotations when characters speak with proper indentation to avoid confusion. A lot of very intriguing ideas in this. I'm interested to see where it goes. Good luck!
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Good concept with lots of
Good concept with lots of possibilities to explore. This chapter does need a lot of tidying up though. Lots of typos to sort out and a lot more punctuation is needed to make it flow. Good start so keep at it.
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something very odd happening
something very odd happening with the format towards the end..
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